


A Knife In The Heart

by ColdLuigi



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Mai joins Zuko post-2x03, Minor Angst, Not Compliant with Avatar Comics, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Slightly Faster Zuko Redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24463789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdLuigi/pseuds/ColdLuigi
Summary: Mai isn’t exactly one to make rash decisions. But when Zuko turns up at Omashu before Azula does, she has to make a choice: Her country, or love?She chooses love, because it’s more interesting.Suddenly, Zuko isn’t traveling alone anymore.
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 104
Kudos: 292





	1. A Chance Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to my first foray into this fandom!  
> Been binging Avatar on Netflix lately, and I decided that there should be more Mai/Zuko in the world.  
> A few things before we get started:  
> I’ll try to work this into my regular update rotation, but who knows how that’s going to work, so I’ll do my best to direct my endless motivation in this direction.  
> This fic begins during the events of Season 2, Episode 3: Return to Omashu. However, there are a few differences, namely where Zuko is in his own journey at that point. Basically, I’m just saying that he split off from Iroh a bit earlier than in canon, and ended up in Omashu somehow.  
> Finally, I’ve aged up Zuko and Mai so they’re both 18 or older. It’s not a big deal, and it doesn’t change anything in the story, but they are of age here, just so the smut doesn’t, you know, break the law.  
> Huge thanks to Pyrrha on Discord for all their help in brainstorming this fic and making sure that I do these characters justice!  
> Permalink for the discord server now that I’ve stopped being a fucking idiot and figured out how to do that: https://discord.gg/EbqDwjq  
> I hope you enjoy.

Mai stared at the wall of her bedroom with sightless eyes, twirling a throwing knife between her fingers. She barely even registered the massive banner of the Fire Nation that hung on the wall, as per her father’s order.

It was all to maintain appearances, of course. If every room of what had once been the palace of the King of Omashu wasn’t draped in red fabric and Fire Nation flags, the rough-hewn corners and solid, dark rock might have led one to believe that this was still Earth Kingdom territory, and what would people think then?

Mai had barely been here a month, and she already  _ hated _ it. There was nothing to  _ do  _ here, and she was bored out of her mind. Her parents were so excited about her father’s appointment as governor of the newly conquered city; they claimed it was incredibly fortunate, a chance for their family to improve their status.

Mai didn’t give a shit about her family’s status, and she never had. She’d never gotten a say in any of this, in the endless political games her parents played with her as a pawn. What  _ she  _ wanted had never mattered; who she’d wanted to be friends with, who she cared about, who she  _ loved- _

Mai rolled over, trying and failing to suppress the surge of loss that filled her as she thought about  _ him,  _ of his burning eyes and the rare smiles that made his face light up, the ones that always felt like a secret gift only for her.

Zuko had been declared a traitor by the Fire Lord himself, stripped of position and hunted down like a beast. He hadn’t been caught yet, but it was only a matter of time. Mai kept trying to convince herself that it was what he deserved, but she knew it wasn’t.

Mai had tried for years to ignore her feelings, hoping that they would curl up and wither away as Zuko’s banishment stretched on year after year. Not only had they not gone away, they’d seemingly gotten  _ stronger.  _ Mai was never able to stop thinking about the way his golden eyes would flash when Azula was casually threatening her, or some servant, or anyone else that crossed her path. Zuko’s eyes never flashed like that when Azula’s reign of terror turned on him. He’d cared more about others than himself, and Mai admired and feared for him because of it.

She found herself hoping that years of banishment, not to mention what his father had done to him, hadn’t beaten the kindness out of those eyes.

Mai didn’t care that their younger days had been tainted by politics and parents and the cruel, alien world of the Fire Nation’s highest circles. She knew that she cared about Zuko, that he was the one person she could never  _ stop  _ caring about. He was the chink in the perfect armor that she’d built around herself, and he’d stay that way even when he was as good as dead. She’d never been able to stop  _ feeling  _ things when it came to him, even as her life and her parents drained all the other emotions out of her.

Speaking of feeling things, Mai was  _ still  _ bored. The only interesting thing that had happened in the last  _ month  _ had been the Avatar showing up yesterday, and whatever weird plague was spreading in the city that made her dad kick all the peasants out. She’d barely gotten to throw any knives at anyone, though, which sucked.

Grumbling, Mai sat up. It was still afternoon, so she had time to kill before she could eat or sleep or do  _ something  _ that wasn’t lying here, hoping that something would happen to let her escape the drudgery of another day in this damn backwater.

Mai threw on her favorite dress, the one with the most spots to stash darts, knives, and shurikens in its folds, and walked out of her room. As she did, she could feel her face set into an impassive mask like it always did, a perfectly blank expression that had been drilled into her for years and years until she finally thought she knew what statues felt like.

It wasn’t that hard to get out of the governor’s palace undetected. Mai had grown up around Ty Lee, she knew how to be agile when she needed to be. A few stealthy hops through windows and avoiding one very stupid guard later, and Mai was free to roam Omashu’s winding roads and steep slopes.

In other words, she wasn’t really free, still trapped by chains she couldn’t break. But it was nice to be let out of her cell, at least.

* * *

Zuko had no idea why he’d come to Omashu. He was practically  _ begging  _ to be arrested and executed, and he’d be lucky if it was in that order.

But still, something had led him here, and he really wasn’t sure what. He’d been traveling on his own for a little while now, splitting off from his uncle to find his own path. He needed to think, not drink calming tea.

Zuko wasn’t quite sure how he’d gotten into the city without being recognized. His hair had grown out some, but the giant disfiguring scar tended to make him stick out.

It was just luck, really, that and the confusion of a city where many of the residents had apparently been kicked out for having some weird disease he’d never heard of. He’d ended up finding a tavern where nobody asked questions, and now he was holed up in the room he’d rented, trying to decide what his next move would be.

Zuko had heard that the Avatar had been spotted here, which was one of the reasons why he’d headed in this direction. But the Avatar was probably gone now, and with the gates to Omashu closed because of the plague, he was trapped. Zuko had to get out of this city, and quick, before he got spotted and turned in by one of the lowlifes that frequented the tavern.

Eventually, Zuko decided that he wasn’t going to get anything done in this shitty room, so he cracked open the window and swung outside, dropping into the narrow, twisting alley below.

Zuko wandered at random through the streets, lost in his thoughts. He tried to avoid topics that he revisited endlessly, like his father, and his nation, and the honor he’d never been further from regaining. Instead, he tried to think of happier times. His mother  _ (who had disappeared) _ feeding the turtleducks with him. Playing with his sister  _ (who had tried to kill him) _ and her friends...and Mai. 

Zuko had never quite been sure why he felt the way he did about Mai. At first, she’d just been the nicest person to him, outside of his mother. Then, as they’d gotten older, he’d started realizing that his happiest moments contained her more and more, as if she could improve his mood just by being there. Something about her quiet, reassuring presence, the way she offered rational counters when Zuko was in turmoil, kept him coming back to her whenever he thought his emotions would get the better of him. He’d found himself living for the tiny, genuine smiles that would flit across her face once in a blue moon, when he would do or say something with her. He wished that Mai would smile like that more often.

By the time Zuko got his scar, he’d realized that Mai was special to him, someone he cared about. He’d never really gotten the chance to tell her that before he’d been banished. 

For years, she’d only grown more important in his mind. Everything reminded him of her; the sound of blades hitting wood, the smell of some of his uncle’s teas, even just some of the small keepsakes he’d managed to bring with him. Eventually, whenever Zuko talked about wanting to return home, he’d really meant that he wanted to return to her.

But that wasn’t possible now. It probably wouldn’t be possible ever again. Zuko knew how ambitious and scheming Mai’s parents were, they’d probably be trying to marry her off to some other noble already or something. Maybe every minute they’d ever spent together had been because of her parents’ plans. Maybe Mai didn’t love him, had never felt anything for him the way she didn’t feel anything about the world.

Zuko sighed as he turned the corner, trying desperately to chase away useless dreams of coming home to find Mai waiting for him. 

Instead, he walked right into her. 

* * *

Zuko looked up in shock as he heard an achingly familiar voice say,  _ “Zuko?” _

Zuko felt his eyes widen. There, right across from him, was Mai.

_ “Mai?” _ he choked out in disbelief, taking a step forwards before remembering that he was a fugitive and she was a high-ranking and extremely capable Fire Nation noble.

The girl he’d harbored feelings for since before he was banished stared back at him, shock plain on her normally-expressionless face.

For a heartbeat, neither of them moved, and Zuko couldn’t help but stare at her.

He’d left a girl behind in the Fire Nation, but now Mai was a  _ woman.  _ Tall, with a long, refined face, glossy black hair in twin buns with long plaits running down her shoulders, she took Zuko’s breath away. It was Mai, the same Mai he’d always known, but she looked like the most beautiful woman in the world now.

At last, Mai got over her shock. In a voice still ringing with surprise, she demanded, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Uh…gotta go!” Zuko said before turning to dash in the opposite direction, not quite sure what he was trying to do other than get  _ away,  _ before he did something he regretted.

Mai, acting on instinct, whipped her long, droopy sleeves towards Zuko’s retreating back. As if by magic, a series of metal-tipped darts whistled through the air and pinned Zuko to the wall of the building at the end of the alley by his clothes. 

Luckily, Zuko had turned in time to avoid slamming face-first into the stonework, but that just meant that he got to watch as Mai stormed down the alley towards him, an intense look in her eyes.

Mai grabbed Zuko by the chin, examining his face and scar for a long second. “Zuko,” she repeated,  _ “what are you doing here?” _

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?” Zuko retorted, “I thought you were back in the Fire Nation!”

Mai told him, “My father got made the governor of this city, you idiot!”

Zuko hadn’t realized how much he missed Mai calling him an idiot. Trying to ignore the rush of nostalgia, he said, “Huh. I must have missed that memo.”

Mai snorted in spite of herself; Zuko had no idea why she was being so expressive today. Normally, it was nearly impossible to get any sort of reaction out of her.

Mai seemed to relax for a second, then stiffen again. She’d removed her hand from his face, but now she whipped it out of her sleeve again, this time with a throwing knife that she put under his chin. Zuko gulped involuntarily.

“Where have you  _ been?”  _ Mai asked, her voice low and dangerous.

“Banished, obviously,” Zuko said awkwardly. Mai looked at him for a long second, and shook her head.

“I know that!” she snapped, “but why the hell are you  _ here?  _ In  _ Fire Nation territory?  _ If anyone catches you here, they’ll kill you!”

Zuko asked hopefully, “You said “anyone,” implying that you...won’t?”

Mai looked confused again, as if she hadn’t even realized what she’d said. She didn’t remove the knife from Zuko’s throat, though.

“I won’t kill you until  _ after  _ you explain what stupidity brought you here,” Mai promised.

Zuko didn’t think that was a very good incentive to explain anything to her. But then, he couldn’t really hide anything from Mai, could he? She’d always been good at seeing through him.

“I-I’m not sure,” Zuko admitted, “I just sort of...ended up here.”

“Really? That’s what you’re going with?” Mai asked, her face blank again as she tilted Zuko’s chin another few degrees up with her knife.

Zuko tried to nod while moving his neck as little as possible. “Yeah,” he whispered, “I wandered in here, hoping to see if the rumors about the Avatar showing up here were true.”

Mai replied, “Oh, they’re true all right. I should know, I fought him yesterday.”

Instantly, Zuko’s hopes soared. Maybe he could still pick up the slippery bastard’s tail.

“You did?” he said, “is he still here? Did you win?”

Mai snapped, “Be quiet! I’m the one asking the questions here!”

Zuko hadn’t come this far to be stopped by anyone, even the one person in the world he still dropped his guard around. He said angrily, “No! Capturing the Avatar is the only way to restore my honor! To let me go back home!”

_ “To come back to you,”  _ he thought.

Mai looked at him with...was that  _ pity?  _ “Oh, Zuko,” she said softly, “why do you still believe that? You’ve been declared a  _ traitor.  _ Even capturing the Avatar won’t wipe away that, not forever.”

“It will! My father will see that I have redeemed myself!” Zuko insisted. For so long, he’d clung to that belief, even as the hope grew dimmer and dimmer.

“Zuko, your father banished you to get  _ rid  _ of you!” Mai told him. As soon as she did, she felt bad about it. She was still off-balance, still reeling from the shock of  _ seeing  _ him here. It dragged up feelings she’d half-forgotten, things she’d given up on ever experiencing.

She couldn’t help but examine Zuko, who had changed so much since she’d seen him last. His hair was no longer in the traditional ponytail, but instead short and covering his scalp; he’d clearly cut it off to hide. Mai decided that she liked the look on him. 

Mai’s gaze drifted lower, across the face of the boy she’d fallen for in a world that didn’t have any time for things like emotions. He’d changed so much, with the last of boyhood vanishing from his features, covered in the dirt and hard expression that came from being on the run, and of course, the  _ terrible scar  _ that Mai couldn’t quite bring herself to look at, but it was the same Zuko. Without even realizing it, Mai leaned in closer, searching his eyes. She couldn’t find that kindness anywhere, because his face was full of a desperate, defensive anger that she thought she understood.

Zuko snapped, “That’s not true! I  _ will  _ return and restore my honor!”

Mai had never heard Zuko talk like this; it scared her a little. 

She covered it up by saying dryly, “I see you’re as naive as ever, Zuko.”

Zuko paused, looking slightly confused. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

Mai didn’t know why she indulged him, why she chose to bandy words with a traitor instead of bringing him to justice like a dutiful daughter of the Fire Nation should have. Maybe it was because she knew that the “justice” Zuko would face was Azula’s brand of justice, and Mai had been on the receiving end of  _ that _ too many times to wish it on anybody, especially someone she maybe, sort of loved, just a little bit. 

Or maybe it was because Mai had been forced to be a “dutiful daughter” for her entire life, and she was just about fed up with it. She certainly didn’t feel like she had a whole lot of patriotic duty to a country whose politics had consumed her entire life since before she was born. Mai simply didn’t have a whole lot of loyalty to abstracts, she supposed, and Ty Lee’s loyalty to her friends didn’t come naturally to Mai, either. The only loyalty Mai thought she really knew well was the kind that had led her to pine for years for a boy declared dead to the entire nation, because he was more  _ real  _ than anything else she’d ever seen.

Whatever the reason, Mai pulled her knife away from Zuko’s throat. She asked him, “Zuko, do you  _ really  _ think that your father is just going to give you back everything he took from you if you come waltzing up with the Avatar?”

“Yes,” Zuko said, but his voice was wavering a little. Uncle Iroh had sometimes said the same things, but Zuko could dismiss those words as the ramblings of a foolish old man. Now,  _ Mai  _ was saying it, and Zuko knew that she had no family stake in this, no reason to make him less likely to return.

Mai saw his hesitation, and did what she did best: she went for the throat. 

“After you...left,” she began, unable to think about those days when she’d felt like the world was slipping out from underneath her, “Ozai bragged publicly about how he’d removed your “weakness” from the line of succession.  _ That’s _ why he did it, Zuko. He wanted you gone so Azula could be Fire Lord.”

Zuko reeled, or would have if he wasn’t still pinned to the wall. Weakly, he protested, “T-that can’t be true! I...I would have heard about it!”

Gently, Mai replied, “I watched him do it, Zuko. He stood up at a feast and told everyone that Azula would be a great leader, less than a week after you’d been banished.”

Zuko gaped at her, and Mai couldn’t help but remember that time. She’d watched the Agni Kai in person, just like everyone else of note in the capital. She’d seen the way Zuko begged on his knees for his father to show humanity, something, anything, for Zuko to cling to, and how Ozai hadn’t shown an ounce of regret, had actually seemed to  _ enjoy  _ burning his own son.

Mai hadn’t been able to watch; she’d closed her eyes when she’d realized what was about to happen. She couldn’t close her ears, though, and Zuko’s screams would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Zuko must have seen the truth in her eyes, because he didn’t try to argue again. Instead, he sighed and went even limper against the wall. After a moment, he said, “Azula tried to kill me, too.”

Mai tried very hard not to show a visible reaction to that. It wasn’t that she was  _ surprised;  _ in fact, it sounded exactly like the Azula she knew. But hearing it from Zuko made something snap inside Mai. Maybe it was her patience.

“Okay,” she said, “if we’re going to talk, we aren’t going to do it with you pinned to this wall.”

With that, Mai swiftly yanked the darts out of the stonework, and Zuko crumpled to the ground. As he got up, he asked, “So you  _ aren’t  _ going to turn me in? Why?”

Mai replied, “Because, I actually don’t hate you, unlike most people. Also, you’re the most interesting thing to happen to me since I came here. Now, are you going to come with me, or not?”

“Where are we going?” Zuko asked.

Mai simply said, “Up.”

Then, she took a running start and scaled the wall of the low-roofed building in front of them, Zuko scrambling up after her.

It felt just like old times, when they would explore the palace together, hoping that the servants wouldn’t catch them where they weren’t supposed to be.

Mai didn’t know how she felt about that, or about the way her heart was dancing in her chest as Zuko joined her on top of the roof.

_ “I’ve dealt with these feelings for years,”  _ Mai thought,  _ “I can control them for a few minutes, easy.” _

* * *

When they both sat down on the rooftop, Mai decided to start things off.

“So,” she asked in a monotone voice, “where’s your fat uncle?”

Zuko winced slightly, but replied, “I decided we should travel separately. I needed to think, figure out what my next move should be.”

“Why?” Mai challenged.

Zuko looked back at her, confusion plain on his face. “What do you mean, “why?” he asked.

“Why do you need a next move? You’re not going to capture the Avatar,” Mai told him.

Zuko’s eyes blazed. He began, “I  _ will  _ capture him. I have to, to restore-“

“If you say “my honor” one more time, I am going to gut you like a fish,” Mai threatened him.

Zuko shut up immediately, his face turning white. 

Mai shifted again, a little uncomfortable with the fear in Zuko’s eyes. More gently, she said, “I’m not actually going to gut you. It would be too much work to clean my knives afterwards.”

That didn’t seem to make Zuko lighten up at all, strangely.

Mai continued, “But really, Zuko, I already told you that I don’t think your father is ever going to lift your banishment. He doesn’t  _ want  _ you to succeed, and even if you did...I worry that he’d just do something to get rid of you as soon as you were within his grasp again. Wouldn’t it be better to, I don’t know, lay low? Just hunker down and try to live your life?”

_ “Maybe marry a nice Earth Kingdom girl?”  _ would have been the next words from her lips, but she couldn’t say them. Just the  _ thought  _ of him with someone else...made her feel sick to her stomach.

Zuko’s eyes were burning again, but it was a slow burn, a steady one that was different from the flash fire of his anger. He replied, “I’m a prince of the Fire Nation, Mai. That  _ is  _ my life.”

“You’ll be a  _ dead  _ prince if you go back to him!” Mai snapped, a sudden wave of fear pooling in her gut. Was Zuko  _ insane?  _ He was going to get  _ killed,  _ either by the Avatar and his allies, or by his own father!

Zuko’s expression was guarded now. He retorted, “You know, Mai, you sound like you care.”

Without even thinking about it, Mai retorted, “I do!”

“Why do you care about the life of a  _ traitor?”  _ Zuko asked. Something about the way he looked down at himself, the way his voice sounded disgusted, set Mai off. Clearly, Zuko was so used to believing what other people said about him that when they said he was a traitor, he believed it.

Mai stood up. “You are  _ not  _ a traitor,” she insisted.

Zuko gave her a strange look as he said, “Um, Mai, I am.”

Mai realized what she’d said without thinking, and for the first time that she could remember, her poise faltered.

“I...I…” she stammered, trying to find a way to rationalize her words and finding none.

Zuko stood up, too, and Mai realized that he was just tall enough that she would have fit snugly under his chin. As soon as she realized that, she had to fight off a pang of  _ longing  _ so intense it had her feeling a nearly magnetic pull towards Zuko, in order to do exactly what she’d just envisioned and work herself into his arms until she was snuggled up against him.

Zuko asked, “Mai, what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” Mai replied quickly, her heart pounding.

Zuko crossed his arms over his chest, and the gesture left Mai nearly  _ salivating _ for some reason. Great Agni, was she some sort of sexually repressed noblewoman or something? 

Oh, wait. That’s exactly what she was.

“I don’t believe you,” Zuko said, “Mai, you  _ never  _ act like this. Why are you having to fight so hard to keep your face neutral all the time?”

“I’m  _ not!”  _ Mai snapped, accidentally proving his point.

Zuko’s expression was gentle, and Mai saw something in his eyes that she remembered from far too many years before.

_ “Oh,”  _ she thought, “there’s  _ the kindness.” _

Zuko told her, “Mai, I’ve never understood why you seem to go through life without feeling anything. But I understand  _ this  _ even less. What’s wrong?”

Mai thought,  _ “You’re wrong, Zuko. I  _ do  _ feel something.” _

Should she say it? She didn’t know how  _ he  _ felt, but then, it wasn’t like it would matter. He was still a fugitive, and she was never going to be able to have him. She’d never accepted that, but she’d resigned herself to it. Really, what harm could it do?

Meanwhile, Zuko was experiencing his own doubts. He kept asking himself why Mai would care, why she’d let a wanted traitor go free and then talk to him in private like this.

He didn’t know whether the answers his mind came up with were wishful thinking or not, and even then, he couldn’t help but be afraid of asking her.

He’d lost enough from before his banishment; his mother, his honor, his nation, his uncle. He didn’t want to lose the girl he loved, too, or even just the  _ idea _ that she might love him back.

Mai wasn’t making eye contact with him anymore; Zuko was getting more worried.

“Mai,” he prompted, “talk to me, please.”

“Why should I? Aren’t you just a traitor?” she asked flatly, still not meeting his eyes.

“Not according to you, I’m not,” Zuko reminded her.

“That’s not what I meant,” Mai replied.

“Then what  _ did  _ you mean?” Zuko asked.

Mai took a long, deep breath, then said, “I meant that I don’t care if you’re a traitor or not.”

Zuko said, “That’s not exactly new coming from you, Mai. You’ve never cared, never  _ felt  _ things. Or if you do, you never show them.”

“Whereas  _ you _ wear your heart on your sleeve,” Mai noted, “Azula always called you weak for that.”

“Azula says a lot of things,” Zuko replied, remembering a resort and honeyed promises of  _ home _ that turned to ash in his fists.

“She does,” Mai agreed, “and she doesn’t speak for me. For the record, I  _ do  _ feel things.”

Zuko raised his eyebrow as Mai stared flatly back at him. They were a foot apart now, maybe two, on the small flat portion at the peak of the roof.

“Why don’t you show them, then?” Zuko asked.

Her voice low as if she was admitting something secret, Mai replied, “Because I felt  _ too  _ much. I still do, sometimes. You know as well as I do how dangerous that is, in the Imperial Palace.”

Zuko nodded quietly, but he wasn’t satisfied. He asked, “So you built walls around yourself to stay safe? Then why are they failing now?”

“Because,” Mai admitted quietly, “they don’t work on you. They never have.”

Zuko felt something resonating in his chest, something that left him feeling strangely light.

His voice low, he asked again, “Why? What’s so special about me?”

Mai took a step closer to him, her eyes suddenly roaring with intensity that nearly made Zuko take a step backwards. He held his ground, and Mai got even closer.

“Oh, so you want to know all my inner thoughts, do you?” Mai said in a voice like a lit fuse, “why do  _ you  _ care so much what I think of you, anyway?”

Zuko whispered, “Because, I want to know if you feel the same way.”

Mai gave no indication that she’d heard, but she kept stalking closer to Zuko, taking up all the space on the rooftop, until she was inches away from him.

Stabbing a stiff finger into his chest, Mai said, “Do you  _ really  _ want to know what I feel? How much I have to hold back?”

Zuko nodded; he couldn’t find any words, not when he was having to fight against his own desire to put his hands on Mai’s hips and pull her close to him.

“Fine,” Mai spat, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Then, she kissed him. 

Zuko felt the breath leave his lungs as Mai pressed an intense, demanding kiss against his lips, refusing to let him escape. Like he wanted to escape. Zuko was helpless, unable to stop himself from returning the kiss just as forcefully as Mai had initiated it. 

Mai was shocked when she felt Zuko kiss her back. She’d planned to just kiss him and be done with it, but it was spiraling out of her control. The kiss got hungrier, pulling them both deeper into it. Mai felt something burning low in her belly, something that wanted  _ more.  _ She reached for Zuko, pulling him down further, and he let her.

When the kiss finally ended, Mai was disappointed. She never wanted it to end. But now, Zuko was looking at her with confusion and a strange light in his eyes that might have been hope.

He breathed, “Mai...what was that for?”

Determined  _ not  _ to blush like a fucking damsel, Mai rushed to explain,  _ “That’s  _ why I don’t care if you’re a traitor, or a prince, or anything else, Zuko. Because I  _ love  _ you.”

Mai wondered if it was premature to say that, if she was a fool for feeling desire and calling it love right away. She found that she didn’t care. How could it be premature when she’d sat on this for  _ years? _

Zuko looked scared, maybe at the hunger Mai knew was lurking in her eyes, but his arms were around her, and Mai was holding him tight.

“I...I love you too, Mai,” Zuko replied after a second. Mai could hear the waver in his voice when he said it; she wondered if he was having the same thought she’d had. Judging by the conviction shining in his eyes by the time he was done, Mai thought he’d come to the same conclusion, too.

For one second, Mai thought that things might actually be alright, that despite it all, they could figure out some crazy way to get them all out of this mess.

Then the horns of Omashu blew, a long, rumbling series of notes that had been the first thing Mai had to memorize when learning greeting protocols.

Zuko knew what it was, too; he had once been the reason those notes were played.

“That’s the signal for an approaching member of the royal family,” he said with disbelief.

Mai nodded wordlessly. Numbly, she agreed, “Yeah. And there’s only one member of the royal family who would show up somewhere this far out in the colonies, and it doesn’t mean anything good.”

Zuko’s eyes went wide. With his hands still around Mai’s waist (which was  _ not  _ distracting her, thank you very much,) he breathed, “Shit.”

Mai whirled back to face him. “Zuko, you’re going to need to  _ hide,”  _ she instructed, “whatever she wants, it isn’t you. Nobody knows you’re here.”

For a second, Zuko looked startled that Mai wasn’t turning him in, but he finally nodded. “Okay,” he agreed, “I’ll be close by, in case you need me.”

“I don’t need your help,” Mai snapped. 

Zuko looked at her with pained eyes, and Mai felt bad. They hadn’t even had a chance to do more than kiss once, and she was already sending him away. Who knew what would happen now, if she’d ever see him again?

But still, Zuko just nodded and replied, “I know. I’ll still be close.”

Then, he was sliding off the roof, Mai doing the same right beside him. With one last longing look, they went dashing in opposite directions. Zuko headed towards the inn he’d been staying at, where his swords and a particular mask were waiting for him.

As for Mai, she went racing back up the steep slopes of Omashu, hoping that her hair wasn’t ruffled and her clothes weren’t creased. She wouldn’t have time to go through the various protocols that normally accompanied presenting oneself to royalty. 

Then again, she didn’t think that she’d get too much heat from her parents concerning this particular royal. 

After all, when Princess Azula came calling, you generally had bigger problems than a few stray hairs.


	2. The Illusion Of Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai makes her choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I like this? I wrote this chapter literally as soon as I posted the first!   
> At least I can upload another story later today, so it won’t be too much of an interruption of my other stories.  
> The pacing of this story has always felt very strange to me, because it has a lot packed into these first two chapters, before I finally let Mai and Zuko breathe a little.   
> Enjoy!

When Mai got back home, she found her mother crying, something so rare that it took her aback.

“Mother, what’s wrong?” Mai asked.

Not Mom, Mother. She’d always been very particular on that one, this woman who cared more for status than her own children. Proper decorum, and all that.

Mai had given up trying to change her mother’s mind on that, and on anything else, a long time ago. So, “Mother” it was, even when the woman who had given birth to her was on her knees, weeping.

It was her father who answered, “Mai, there you are! Where have you  _ been?  _ Tom-Tom has been kidnapped!”

Mai’s blood went cold, at first because her escape had apparently been noticed, and then at the news that her brother was gone.

Mai didn’t care much for her family, even if she felt guilty about admitting it considering all they’d given her. But her brother was innocent, and part of Mai would sometimes admit that she liked him. Hell, she didn’t hate babies in general as much as she thought she should. 

“What happened?” Mai asked, having to raise her voice to be heard over her mother’s terrified weeping.

“The rebels,” her father replied, “they must have used the evacuation as cover for their plot!”

Mai nodded, her face a perfect mask like it always had to be in front of her parents.

Honestly, Mai had never really cared that much about the rebels that had plagued her father’s rule over this city. A certain part of her even understood them, maybe. If someone came into her home and told her that they were in charge now, she’d probably fight them, too. But she was Fire Nation, which meant that she had to stop them, even if she didn’t feel any great attachment to her side in this war.

Mai would have asked more questions, demanded to know what her father’s plan was, but at that moment, the herald announced, “Princess Azula of the Fire Nation!”

Mai forced herself to stay completely still through a long-winded welcome ceremony. Inside, though, she was still on a rooftop, mashing her lips against a banished prince’s. 

Mai felt like  _ shit  _ for how she’d left Zuko. One kiss, and then right back into the uneventful hell that was her life, leaving him without any guarantee that they’d meet again. Every fiber of her being yearned to get up and walk out of this room to find Zuko, and damn the consequences.

But she couldn’t, because Azula was here. As the ceremony finally ended, Mai at last saw the princess herself. 

Azula hadn’t changed much since they’d last seen each other, nearly a year ago now. Long black hair, ornate armor, poised and eternally relaxed body language until you looked closely at her limbs and realized that she was always poised to strike like a cobra. 

And then Mai looked into her eyes, and saw the familiar darkness there, concealed under a charming smile that was just a little  _ too  _ charming to be real, bared teeth a little  _ too  _ long to comfort you. Being in a room with Azula was like being in a room with an apex predator; you knew that you existed at her pleasure, and that she could decide to erase you at any moment, for the slightest of reasons.

Once, Mai had been thankful that Azula called her a friend; after all, it was better to have the beast on your side than against you. But now, all Mai could think of when she stared into those eyes was Zuko’s words, almost an offhand comment he’d made.

_ “Azula tried to kill me.” _

Mai was well aware of the fact that she held grudges too much. She couldn’t help the fresh river of hatred that ran concealed through her veins when she looked at Azula. It had always been there, a built-up reservoir from years of cruelty and small pains, amassing until Mai, and Ty Lee, who waved eagerly as the ceremony dissolved and Mai’s father explained his plan, feared Azula more than liked her. Now, though, imagining Zuko suffering at Azula’s hands gave Mai even more reasons to turn sour.

It wasn’t fear that Mai felt as Azula approached her, though. Somehow, the memory of that stolen kiss on the rooftop lent her some strength, a little bit of backbone. It was a memory and a feeling that Azula couldn’t destroy or corrupt like she did with everything she could find.

“Hello, Mai,” Azula said lightly.

Keeping her face perfectly blank and her voice bored, Mai replied, “Hello, Princess. What brings you to this boring place?”

“You,” Azula told her.

That was what Mai had been afraid of.

“What for?” she asked, fearing that she already knew the answer.

Ty Lee bounced in, hugging Mai tightly. Mai let her.

The acrobat explained, “Azula wants our help bringing in Zuko!”

Mai’s blood went cold. Like  _ hell _ she was going to help hunt down the boy she’d finally confessed to. 

But Mai knew that Azula “wanting” something really meant that she was demanding it, and if you said no, the person who replaced you after your burned corpse was carried out certainly wouldn’t. She couldn’t refuse and expect Azula to take it well. So now what?

“I see,” she said, managing to keep her expression perfectly neutral despite the storm raging inside her heart.

“I have to say, I was expecting you to be more...enthusiastic,” Azula remarked with a frown, “I figured you would leap at the chance to leave this place.”

Mai ignored the way her skin crawled at Azula’s examining eyes and replied, “Oh no, I’m finding this place growing on me, you know?”

_ “Really?”  _ Azula asked, “what about it has finally gotten you out of your funk?”

“Yeah, did you meet a cute boy or something?” Ty Lee added, her voice so earnest it was hard to tell if she was teasing or not, “your aura is  _ shining  _ right now!”

“I’ll tell you another time,” Mai said, trying to deflect and buy time. All she needed was maybe an hour to think, to figure out how to avoid upsetting Azula  _ and  _ help Zuko hide from her and the entire Fire Nation, preferably in a nice, cozy place with a big bed Mai could share with him.

Okay,  _ maybe  _ Mai had fantasized about this before. Just a little bit. You know, normal, standard fantasies of running away to a safe place to have sex with a very hot boy who you were maybe going to marry before your lives went to hell.

Azula wouldn’t be denied, though, and she pressed, “Mai, you still haven’t told me whether you’ll join me and Ty Lee in hunting down my traitorous brother or not.”

_ “The only treason he committed was trying to protect people from you,”  _ Mai thought darkly. She  _ really  _ needed to think. Maybe she could divert Azula for at least a few hours.

“I’m sorry,” Mai said airily, “I have a lot on my mind at the moment. My own brother just got kidnapped, you know. I’m in a lot of distress.”

Ty Lee nodded in understanding, while Azula examined her fingernails with disinterest.

At last, the princess looked up and sighed, “Very well. I’ll help your fool of a father get his son back, and then you will join my team and help me capture Zuko. Deal?”

Mai thought for a second. At the very least, it would buy her some time. And maybe if she did end up having to chase Zuko, she could help him escape.

In reality, Mai thought that Zuko would take one look at her betrayal and shatter forever. He’d had a glint in his eye when they’d talked, one that suggested he was already struggling. Mai wondered if losing someone he thought he loved would push him over the edge.

But what choice did she have? Mai looked at Azula, hatred burning in her heart, and said, “Deal.”

* * *

Zuko looked out the window, his few belongings packed, twin dao on his hip. He could leave right now; Azula’s arrival had caused the city to reopen, it would be as simple as walking past lazy guards and down a bridge.

But then he would have left Mai behind without a single word, after telling her he loved her, and he couldn’t do that.

Honestly, the more that Zuko retraced the steps of that rooftop conversation, the more he could  _ feel  _ himself falling for Mai. The way she gently spoke to him when he felt like he would break apart, the way she spoke harshly when he needed it, and the way her mask slipped and he got a glimpse of the true emotions she felt behind them, all of the little things she did that brightened his life, only convinced Zuko that he’d never find another person like her.

And Zuko was not going to vanish in the night like his mother. If he never got to see Mai again, he would at least say goodbye.

So with his pack slung on his back and his ostrich-horse hidden for a quick getaway, Zuko slipped on a mask, and the Blue Spirit dashed through the streets of Omashu, heading for the enormous, half-finished statue of Zuko’s father.

He hoped that Mai would know who he was, that she’d recognize the bladework.

She was something of an expert, after all, and she’d been the one who had introduced him to the dao, all those years ago.

* * *

When the time finally came for the swap, Mai found herself unimpressed with the rebels. How on  _ earth  _ had these silly peasants managed to kidnap Tom-Tom from the grounds of the governor’s palace? 

Well, at least Mai could get her brother back, and she had had some time to think about Zuko. 

Mai still hadn’t figured out how to keep him safe from Azula. The princess would hunt him to the ends of the earth if she thought it would please her father, and she’d drag Mai along just for the pain it would cause Zuko.

The more Mai thought about it, the more she wondered if she  _ could  _ be with Zuko. There was just...too much in the way, too many obstacles. Mai had always preferred the easy path; she blamed it on being a spoiled only child for so long.

But Mai had held happiness,  _ real _ happiness, in her hands for the duration of a single kiss, and it was the sticking point in her mind, over and over again. It set up a choice for Mai, one that she knew there would be no going back from.

Zuko, or Azula?

Love, or her country, her friends?

Mai kept the war in her heart secret throughout the hostage exchange, right up until the point where Azula changed the rules.

“You know,” Azula mused in a deceptively mild voice, “the more I think about this trade, the more unfair it seems. Why should we trade a  _ king  _ for a toddler?”

_ “That’s my brother, you monster!”  _ Mai wanted to scream. But she knew the drill, knew what she was supposed to say. Even with the conflicts still raging inside her, Mai had still spent years alongside Azula and Ty Lee, and she knew exactly what she needed to say in the dynamic they’d created.

So, with a coldness she no longer felt, Mai agreed, “You’re right. The deal’s off.”

And then they attacked.

Mai wasn’t exactly surprised when the cloth fluttered off the shortest rebel’s head to reveal arrow tattoos; this situation had just gone from a mild distraction to potentially interesting.

Azula yelled, “The Avatar is mine!”

In response, the boy simply began to escape down one of Omashu’s chutes with King Bumi; Azula followed, and suddenly Mai was fighting a waterbender and a boy with a boomerang alongside Ty Lee.

The fight didn’t exactly last long enough to be interesting, much to Mai’s disappointment. The girl had apparently never fought a chi-blocker before, because she seemed shocked when Ty Lee dropped her to the ground like a sack of lead. The non-bender gave a good account of himself, all things considered, but he was outnumbered and outmatched. He went down, too.

Mai began to compose herself again, to return to desperately trying to come up with a way to get out of hunting down the boy she loved. That was when a new combatant appeared.

The first thing Mai saw was two long dao sink into the planks of the scaffolding they’d been fighting on, as whoever was wielding them used the twin blades to anchor their climb onto level ground. Next, Mai saw the blue demon mask, and then she knew who this was. 

The Blue Spirit was another wanted criminal, one who had caused enough problems for the Fire Nation to earn himself a sizable bounty. Even so, Mai and Ty Lee approached the masked man slowly, cautiously. He made no move to threaten them; he seemed to be looking…

_ Right at Mai.  _

Then, the Blue Spirit sank into a combat salute, a crossing of the blades that ended with them pointing one dao at Mai and Ty Lee, and the other at the Avatar’s companions, who had been watching the Spirit’s arrival cautiously.

Mai tensed to throw, only for her eyes to widen as she put the pieces together. Twin dao. Reluctance to attack her. And the combat salute, which Mai had watched a certain prince practice over and over in the courtyard of the palace their childhoods had been spent in. 

_ “It’s Zuko,”  _ Mai realized. Instantly, a flood of relief raced through her. He was okay, and he’d found her again. Now, Mai just had to figure out what to do. She lowered her arms, and nodded once. Zuko turned away from her, trusting her to not betray him.

Then, Ty Lee charged. Apparently, she’d decided that the wanted vigilante was enough of a threat to take down quickly. Mai held her breath as her friend attacked the boy Mai loved. She didn’t throw any knives or darts, she just watched.

Unlike the waterbender, Zuko  _ had  _ fought a chi-blocker before, and even though he wasn’t using his bending, he still prioritized avoiding Ty Lee’s devastating strikes over attacking. He ducked and wove, using Ty Lee’s healthy fear of his whirling dao to force her to keep her distance. 

All the while, Mai watched, her heart divided.

Did she help her friend, and let Azula win? If she didn’t, Mai knew that the consequences would be awful, not just for her but for her family. Azula wasn’t above punishing innocents for a relative’s crime, and she wouldn’t think twice of accusing her parents of treason or something equally bad. 

Or should she choose Zuko, once and for all? It would mean giving up everything she’d ever known, attacking a friend, risking her life for what she knew might not last. If it did, though...if it did...Mai might be happy.

Mai often felt like she didn’t have the right to complain about the hand she’d been dealt in life. Wealthy parents who kept her safe and provided for, in a time when most people didn’t have that, was an undeniable advantage. And yet, the rules and protocols and restrictions that had shaped her for so long had come along with those advantages. Mai was  _ tired _ of it, tired of being dutiful, of being what other people wanted to be. She didn’t want to suppress her feelings anymore, out of fear or expectation or a desire to be strong all the time. She could only take so much before her walls broke down.

Mai was jarred out of her thoughts by a crack and a grunt. Ty Lee had finally gotten through Zuko’s guard, and landed a solid blow to his arm, followed by several more to his side and leg. Zuko went down, but he managed to sweep Ty Lee’s legs out from under her as he fell. Mai rushed forward as Ty Lee landed hard on the ground.

“Mai,  _ do something!”  _ Ty Lee cried desperately, “why are you just  _ standing  _ there?  _ Help!” _

Zuko didn’t say anything. He looked up at Mai calmly, or at least, Mai thought so. He nodded again, and Mai thought that he might have been accepting her choice, whatever her choice was.

Mai demanded, “Take off your mask.”

Zuko did. Ty Lee gasped loudly as Zuko’s face was revealed, gentle and accepting, with love in his eyes as he looked at Mai.

“Hey, Mai,” he said quietly.

In the same tone. Mai replied, “Hello, Zuko.” 

Rising to her feet, Ty Lee said, “I guess we get to bag ourselves a traitor today, Mai!”

“I’m afraid not,” Mai told her.

Ty Lee turned to look at Mai in confusion. “What are you saying?”

Mai didn’t reply with words, but with a barrage of knives and darts. 

Ty Lee shrieked in confusion as the projectiles pinned her to the wall of the nearest building by her clothes, trapping her.

Mai had made her choice; Zuko, now and forever. She couldn’t take any more of the casual cruelty, the subtle threats, the protocols, the  _ boredom.  _ If that meant giving up everything on a wild chance that Zuko would make her happy, so be it.

Surprisingly, she didn’t feel anything now that she’d done it, now that one moment had changed the course of her life. All she felt was... _ tired. _

“Oh dear,” Mai said in a completely flat voice, betraying no emotion as she drew another knife from the depths of her robe just in case Ty Lee tried anything, “I appear to have turned traitor. How clumsy of me.”

_ “Mai, what are you doing?”  _ Ty Lee yelled, trying in vain to wriggle free.

“Saving the idiot I’m in love with,” Mai replied as Zuko struggled to his feet.

“Mai…” he said slowly, “thank you.”

Mai turned to Zuko; there were so many things she wanted to say, explanations and words she wanted to offer. But there wasn’t any time, and she was just...drained. She didn’t feel anything much at the moment.

“You’re welcome, Zuko,” she replied.

Zuko hesitated. “Those were the Avatar’s companions,” he told her, “he’s around here somewhere. If we can capture him-“

“No, Zuko,” Mai interrupted, “Azula went after the Avatar. It’s too dangerous, we can’t fight her.”

He didn’t look convinced. “But what if-“ he began.

Mai marched right up to Zuko, staring directly into his eyes. She repeated,  _ “No,  _ Zuko. You’d be putting  _ both  _ of us in danger. I just attacked a friend for you.  _ Please, _ don’t waste it by throwing your life away on a stupid chase.”

Zuko looked like he wanted to argue, but Ty Lee’s sullen, disbelieving silence and Mai’s look of quiet exhaustion was all the reminder he needed of how much Mai had just given up.

Swallowing hard, he said, “Okay, Mai. You’re right.”

“I usually am,” Mai retorted.

Zuko looked at her, the first person in years to see something worth saving in him, other than his uncle. 

Quietly, he pleaded, “Come with me, Mai. You can’t stay here.”

“Are you saying that because you want to get my help with your harebrained scheme to capture the Avatar?” Mai asked dryly, but honestly. She loved Zuko, but she wasn’t going to help him destroy himself.

Zuko shook his head and explained, “No, Mai. I love you, and I can’t let you be hurt for what you did. Please, we’d be better off together than apart.”

Mai held Zuko’s gaze for a long moment, then finally nodded. “I’d like that. Being on the run does sound more  _ interesting  _ than staying here,” she replied.

Then, for good measure, she pulled Zuko close and kissed him, just to remind herself that this was actually happening. Zuko stiffened slightly out of surprise, but let it happen, more than happy to kiss Mai in any situation.

With that, Mai and Zuko left at a run, headed for Zuko’s ostrich-horse and freedom.

Ty Lee watched them go, transfixed by the way their auras shone so brightly.

* * *

When Azula returned to the site of the swap, she at least expected her team to have captured  _ one  _ of the Avatar’s companions. That was why she had recruited these two, after all. They were the best of the best, and absolutely loyal.

Instead, she returned to an empty platform, save for Ty Lee, pinned to a wall with familiar looking darts.

Azula demanded, “Ty Lee, what happened here? Where is Mai?”

Ty Lee’s voice wobbled as she replied, “A-Azula, Mai...she…”

“She  _ what?”  _ Azula repeated, “cease your blubbering and explain where she went!”

Ty Lee swallowed hard. With tears in her eyes, she finished, “Azula,  _ Zuko was here.  _ Mai refused to fight him, and when I asked her for help, she pinned me to the wall. She turned on us and joined Zuko.”

For a long moment, Azula looked at Ty Lee in disbelief. The princess of the Fire Nation took one deep breath, then another.

Then, she exploded.

Blue flame surged in every direction, barely avoiding Ty Lee, who cringed in fear. A wordless scream of rage erupted from Azula’s throat, a cry of agony and betrayal that would have made demons cringe in fear. It was a shriek that packed a lifetime of twisted love into a single moment, as Azula tried to light her heart on fire for the crime of hurting.

When she was done, Azula was smoking, panting as flame billowed around her.

Glaring with hate at something that only she could see, Azula panted, “Ty Lee, we don’t just have two targets now. We have  _ three.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Mai realizes that she’s finally got some alone time with Zuko, no chaperones, no expectations, and nobody trying to kill them. She takes advantage of it.  
> See you then!  
> Discord server where writing sometimes happens: https://discord.gg/ST8FK9


	3. Away From The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Mai talk and make a few decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m honestly trying to write other stuff too, I swear, but this has just been coming out more easily lately, so that’s what I’m going to do.  
> Also, as a heads up, uploads in general might be a bit messy over the next week or so, as I’m going on vacation somewhere with spotty WiFi, so even if I do write while I’m there, I might not be able to post.  
> But for now, let’s get back to the impulsive idiots who are bad with emotions.  
> Enjoy!

For hours, Mai and Zuko barely spoke, lost in the monotonous panic of escaping Omashu. Mai huddled behind the boy she’d given up everything for, her arms wrapped around him for balance as they navigated narrow, zigzagging trails up and down the mountains surrounding what had once been one of the great cities of the Earth Kingdom.

Mai was alone with her thoughts, and as the battle rush faded and her blood cooled, she began to worry.

Mai had always been the calm, collected one, or at least, she’d tried to be. Cautious, deliberate, and intentional when she did things. It was the only way to control the impulsive hothead she could be sometimes, by deliberately shaping herself to counteract her emotions. 

And now, she’d betrayed her family, her country, based on a look and a feeling, and left her parents to feel the retribution. They hadn’t even saved her brother; Mai wondered if her parents would ever see either of their children again.

Mai  _ really  _ hoped that she hadn’t made a huge mistake, because she knew full well that there was no going back. Even if she  _ wanted  _ to return to the life that had imprisoned her, she couldn’t. The Fire Nation didn’t forgive traitors, especially high-ranking ones. Not to mention the fact that Azula would kill her on principle, and make an example out of her. 

Mai pictured her corpse carried through the streets of Omashu, and shivered.

Feeling Mai’s shudder, Zuko sat up, reining in the ostrich-horse.

“It’s getting late, we should make camp,” Zuko said, “I saw a cave entrance down in the valley a little ways.”

Mai looked around; she hadn’t even noticed how dark it was, now that the sun was dipping behind the mountains.

She replied, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

As they reached the small, cozy-looking cave, which was well-hidden both from the elements and anyone who might try to ambush them, Mai took the chance to study her...well, she didn’t really know what Zuko was yet. Boyfriend? Lover? Partner in treason?

Zuko barely seemed to notice her as he hitched up their mount. Mai saw that he was wearing an Earth Kingdom tunic, which was very different from the flowing royal robes she’d once associated with him. She had to admit, he cut a surprisingly tight figure in them, even with the dirt and state of his clothes. Mai admired the well-toned muscle of his arms and back, and she couldn’t help but nod to herself.

“Very  _ tight,”  _ she thought,  _ “just the way I like it.” _

Mai wondered what Zuko would look like without those clothes. She decided that she couldn’t  _ wait  _ to find out.

* * *

Finally, Zuko turned to see Mai eyeing him. Mai refused to look away, even as a mild pink blush crept across her cheeks without her knowledge.

His eyes still soft, Zuko asked, “What are you looking at?”

“You,” Mai retorted as they sat down inside the cave, which was more than large enough to accommodate them sitting on the same side of a small fire Zuko had created.

Bringing out some dried jerky and handing half of it to Mai, Zuko prompted, “Why?”

Mai turned her head towards him, examining the golden eyes, high cheekbones and scarred flesh of the man she’d never been able to stop loving. The look of tenderness in his eyes, what Mai thought might be love, looked good on him. It was an expression Mai doubted he wore often.

But his question was hard for her to answer. It was true that Mai’s heart was beating harder with every gesture Zuko made, but seeing him here reminded her of the fact that she’d left her family behind, without so much as a goodbye. For all her anger and irritation with her family, feelings she’d never believed she had the right to, Mai knew that she still loved her parents, that she didn’t have a choice  _ but  _ to love them. She also knew that her family would suffer for her actions, that her parents would be stripped of titles and positions, arrested, maybe tortured. She’d be lucky to ever see them again.

Mai told Zuko, “I’m trying to decide if you’re worth what I gave up.”

Zuko shifted uncomfortably under Mai’s blank, assessing gaze. He replied, “I don’t know if I am, Mai. I can’t offer you much right now. I’m sure sitting in a cold cave is far from what you’re used to.”

He gestured to the cave they were sitting in, clearly comparing it to the lavish chambers they’d both grown up in.

“Oh, no, that’s not what I’m talking about,” Mai assured him, “I’m talking about the people I love that are going to be hurt because I chose you.”

Zuko flinched instinctively, not just because of the thought that Mai might judge him lacking like so many others had, but because, Mai knew, he was far more empathetic than she could ever be. Part of her felt bad for hurting him like this, but she wouldn’t,  _ couldn’t _ lie to him about what her choice had cost her.

It was one of the things she envied about him, that gentle soul, and one of the reasons she loved him. It was that flinch that convinced her that, deep down, under the anger and the pride and the physical and mental scars left by three years of banishment, Zuko was still the same gentle, kind boy she’d fallen in love with.

“I’m sorry, Mai,” Zuko said.

“Don’t be,” Mai replied, “I’m the one who put them in danger, not you.”

Zuko answered, “But I’m the reason you put them in danger. It’s still on me.”

Mai glared at him again as she asked, “You know that not everything anyone ever does is your fault, Zuko? And for the record, even if I’m worried about my family, I don’t regret what I did.”

Zuko looked surprised. “Wait, you don’t?” he asked.

Mai shook her head. “No,” she confirmed, “I’m not in the business of worrying about things I can’t change. The important thing is that I’m here now, with you.”

Zuko shifted his body, rolling closer to Mai while he looked at her up and down, reminding himself that she was real. Someone, someone he loved, had looked at him, and maybe seen something other than a banished failure.

“Yeah, you’re right. Now, we just have to figure out what we’re going to do,” Zuko agreed, as Mai tried very hard not to stare at his body instead of his face. Getting to see Zuko’s tall figure splayed out in front of her like this was...distracting.

Mai nodded and corrected, “Well, there’s something else we should figure out first.”

“What’s that?” Zuko asked.

Mai turned her body fully, until she and Zuko were staring into each other’s eyes, unable to escape.

She said, “We need to talk about...us. You and me, and what we...well, what we  _ are,  _ I suppose.”

Zuko sat there, deep in thought, for a long moment. Then, he replied, “Yeah, that makes sense. Two kisses and a betrayal isn’t exactly a functioning relationship.”

Mai nodded in agreement. She asked, “Can I go first?”

Zuko’s eyes were warm and inviting, not unlike the campfire still burning beside them, but burned with a question he desperately needed the answer to. He replied, “Of course, Mai. While you’re at it...can you tell me why you did what you did back there? I want to hear it from you.”

For the life of him, Zuko just couldn’t wrap his head around it.  _ Why  _ had Mai betrayed her closest friends, the people she’d been loyal to all her life, for him, a traitor? It was a side of her Zuko had never seen before.

Mai took a deep breath and began, “Zuko...I love you. I think I’ve loved you since you were banished, and I suddenly realized how much I depended on you. Every day since you left, I’ve wished you were back, even though I knew it wasn’t possible. Even back then, I knew we shouldn’t be together, because as soon as someone realized, we would have been forced into a betrothal or something, and what I felt would have become part of the politics I hated, because I would never be allowed to simply love the Fire Lord’s son.”

Zuko exhaled softly; he hadn’t considered that, had forgotten in all his dreams that Mai would never have been happy in a place like the Imperial Palace, would have retreated even further into her shell of indifference until even he couldn’t reach her.

Ignoring the way her heart beat loudly in her chest as she bared more of herself to Zuko than she ever had to anyone else, Mai continued, “Zuko, I hate a lot of things. I don’t care about even more things. There isn’t much in this world that really, truly makes me happy. You...you’re it, really.  _ That’s  _ why I did it, Zuko, why I threw away everything for you, because I  _ didn’t care  _ about any of it, but I  _ do  _ care about you.”

When Mai finally fell silent, Zuko hesitated. How could he possibly explain the feeling he got around Mai, the sense of safety and understanding she gave him, the way she could cut through the conflicts that tore him apart and put him back together? He decided to try.

Zuko replied, “Mai, for three years, I’ve been trying to get back home. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that I was really trying to get back to  _ you.  _ You always seem to know what to say when I don’t know what to think. I know how conflicted you must be about what happened in Omashu. But I just want you to know that I’m glad you’re here, despite everything, because...I love you.”

There. He’d said it. It was out in the open now, the part of his heart that Zuko hadn’t managed to fill with longing or hope or desperation for his honor yet. It was a bigger part than he’d thought. 

Mai was quiet for a long second, processing what Zuko had said. Zuko hoped that she wouldn’t put her mask back on, the one that made her feelings disappear along with the light in her eyes and the smile on her lips.

At last, Mai sighed, “Well, I can't really say no to that, can I? Kiss me, you gigantic dork.”

Before Zuko could even respond, Mai grabbed for him and pulled him close. Their lips met, and Zuko let himself get lost in Mai’s hunger for him.

Mai grabbed Zuko’s head with her hands, dragging him further into her embrace, feeling the short bristles of his new haircut under her palms.

Zuko braced himself as Mai rocked backwards, pulling Zuko on top of her. Instinctively, she tried to stay as close to his warmth as possible, determined to feed the desire she could feel brewing low inside her.

As the kiss ended, Zuko panted, “So, what  _ are  _ we, exactly?”

Mai felt a grin tug at her lips, a silly, pointless grin fueled by the lightness in her chest where her heart should be. She replied, “Together, that’s all we need to know. I don’t care what we call it, Zuko. I’ll be your girlfriend, your partner, your  _ wife  _ if you want, as long as you’re  _ mine.” _

Mai had never wanted to get married. In her old world, marriage was a tool, a weapon to get what you wanted, and nothing more. Despite all her parents’ lessons on the importance of climbing the political ladder, Mai had never really been interested in the endless jockeying for power that Fire Nation nobles always did. Even though she’d loved the Crown Prince, she’d never wanted to be Fire Lady, either. That sounded  _ incredibly  _ boring. 

But Mai realized that she’d cast off all the old rules when she’d abandoned Omashu with Zuko. Mai could make her relationship into whatever she wanted it to be, and if that was a marriage where the only thing that was binding was their  _ belief  _ that they were married, then so be it.

In the future, of course. For now, Mai was more than happy to just have Zuko, even if being on the run meant that she could never be sure she would have him for long.

Zuko looked Mai right in the eye, their faces inches apart. He promised, “I am, Mai, for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Good,” Mai said, “just don’t forget it.”

This time, it was Zuko who initiated the kiss, pulling Mai into his lap, to her delight.

“You know, we still haven’t talked about what we’re going to do next,” she mused when their lips parted.

Zuko smiled softly at her, the kind of smile that Mai had never seen on his face before tonight. He replied, “Let’s worry about that tomorrow. For tonight, let’s just...stay here.”

Mai nodded and quietly whispered, “I’d like that.”

Then, she kissed him again, enjoying the sheer insanity of actually  _ being  _ in his arms. 

For a while, that was all they did, kiss and hold each other tight in front of a crackling fire that dipped and ebbed with their heartbeats.

* * *

Eventually, though, Mai couldn’t ignore the warmth low in her belly. Sitting in Zuko’s lap  _ really  _ hadn’t helped her self-control, and neither were the close quarters of the cave, where Zuko had spread out their only bedroll, a pile of blankets that Mai and Zuko were now cuddling on.

Suppressing a yawn, Zuko said, “We really should be getting to sleep, Mai.”

“Mmmmm,” Mai hummed in agreement, “good idea. You okay with sharing the bed?”

Zuko replied, “I’m fine with it, as long as you are.”

Mai shot him a glare. “Zuko, I  _ better  _ be sleeping in that bed with you tonight,” she told him, “it’s cold as hell out here.”

It really was. Even in her multiple layers of silk and fabric, Mai was having to suppress shivers whenever a cold wind blew through the cave entrance.

Zuko replied, “Well, then get over here and under the blankets with me.”

“You’re right,” Mai agreed, “I do have a nice, warm firebender right here, after all. Give me one second.”

Zuko found himself staring as Mai stood up, quickly slipping off her vest and undoing her hair buns. Zuko’s breath caught in his throat as Mai’s hair came down in a glossy black sheen, the glint of several knives appearing as Mai withdrew them from their hiding spots in her hair.

“Uh, just out of curiosity, how many knives do you  _ have  _ in there?” Zuko asked, trying to distract himself from the fact that Mai was undressing right in front of him.

“Oh, about...eighty or so?” Mai replied, “most of them are in my arm sheaths, though.”

The rustle of her tunic hitting the ground covered Zuko’s admiring whisper of  _ “eighty knives…”  _ perfectly, and revealed Mai removing her various sheaths and concealed weapons, clad only in a thin shift.

Once she was satisfied that she wouldn't accidentally stab her boyfriend, Mai looked down at Zuko, a sudden wave of self-consciousness coming over her. Why had she thought that undressing like this was a good idea? Now, Zuko could see the outlines of her body more clearly than he ever could before, concealed only by the thin white cloth of her shift and the long black leggings that she wore to protect her legs.

But the way Zuko stared at her like he wanted to  _ devour  _ her made Mai’s skin flush and warm, until she could feel her heart beating faster and faster. 

With a jolt, Mai realized that this was the first time she and Zuko had  _ ever  _ been alone like this, that she’d ever had the chance to let him look at her like that. For as long as they’d known each other, Mai and Zuko had been constantly watched, controlled, guarded. It wouldn’t have been  _ proper,  _ otherwise. Mai had finally gotten away from them, and now she had Zuko all to herself, in a cave where there was enough room under the patched, worn blankets for two.

On a whim, Mai began to get closer, sinking to her knees and pushing up until she was laying a hand flat on his chest. 

“Zuko,” she whispered more shyly than she would ever admit, “can we...do you want to have sex?”

Zuko went rigid under her touch, his eyes wide and confused.

“W-what? Why? What if-“ he stammered, body tense as he sat up to look at Mai.

Mai interrupted, “Zuko, don’t you realize? This is the  _ first  _ time we’ve ever been alone together without anyone else around. Besides, we’re fugitives now, nobody can stop us from doing _ whatever  _ we want.”

Zuko paused, thinking about what he wanted.

“I suppose that’s true,” he admitted, “but...are you sure?”

Mai nodded. “Yes, Zuko, I’m sure. I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time,” she told him, gently stroking his arm, feeling the goosebumps that sprung up under her fingers.

Zuko closed his eyes, desperately trying to control his arousal. He wanted Mai so much it felt painful, but something inside him was holding him back. He wasn’t even sure if he  _ wanted  _ to escape those chains.

Finally, he opened his eyes again, and saw Mai looking at him. There was desire on her face, and love, but also understanding. Her eyes seemed to accept the possibility that he didn’t want to have sex with her.

Zuko replied, “Mai...I really do want to, but...not yet. Is that okay with you?”

Mai felt a sudden pang of hurt, but ultimately, she realized that she loved Zuko  _ more  _ for sticking to his principles, even when faced with a willing, loving woman.

“Of course it is, Zuko,” Mai assured him, “but...can I ask why?”

Zuko nodded; it was the least he could do. Ultimately, he supposed, it was his pride that kept him from having sex with Mai for the first time in this cave.

He began, “Mai, I love you. I want you to have the best of everything I can offer...even if that isn’t much. So Mai, I do want to have sex with you, but…not yet. Not here.”

Mai nodded in acceptance, but the hunger in her eyes didn’t go away. She asked “If not now, when?”

“When we have a  _ real _ bed to share,” Zuko promised, “the next time we’re in an actual town and can afford it, we’ll rent a room in an inn. How does that sound?”

Mai thought about it for a long moment. She wanted Zuko, but she knew his pride wouldn’t let him treat her any other way. It was just another consequence of loving a man like him, she supposed.

Mai sighed, “Okay, Zuko. I’ll hold you to that.”

With that, Mai finally slipped under the layered blankets, and groaned happily as the warmth surrounded her. Instinctively, she slotted herself against Zuko, laying her head on his chest and pressing her body into him. Mai felt the heat radiating from his body, and smiled into Zuko’s chest. When Zuko kissed the top of her head, Mai realized that maybe, just maybe, everything had been worth it. She wasn’t sure yet, and couldn’t have told him even if she was, but the love in her chest made everything else seem far away compared to her and Zuko, huddled together in this cave.

Zuko gulped as Mai’s soft form snuggled against him, drawing his arm around her waist. This was even more unlike the cold Mai with a soft spot for him that he remembered from the Imperial Palace, and different from the disinterested, sarcastic Mai he’d met in Omashu, too. He wondered if this was what Mai would have been like all the time, if she’d grown up somewhere else.

“I love you, Zuko,” Mai whispered as she shut her eyes.

“I love you too, Mai,” Zuko replied, the rumble in his chest letting Mai feel his words instead of hearing them.

At last, Zuko exhaled, and the campfire died down, not even embers left as the two fugitives drifted into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, some planning happens.  
> See you then!  
> Discord server where you can get notifications when I update: https://discord.gg/27as3y


	4. Moving Forwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first morning of a new life begins.  
> There’s a few issues to solve immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I’m very sorry for suddenly disappearing for a week, but I was (and still am, actually) on vacation. Updates will still be spotty for another few days, but I will hopefully resume posting daily soon.   
> For now, enjoy something that I’ve been able to work on in the limited downtime I’ve scraped together!

When Zuko woke up, the unfamiliar weight covering his side nearly made him bolt upright in shock, already reaching for his swords. A split second later, the events of the previous day came back to him, and he relaxed, but only slightly. 

_ “Why did I agree to this?”  _ Zuko wondered. This...relationship was going to be a distraction, he knew that. What kind of life was this going to be, running from town to town with Mai? It wasn’t what she deserved, and he didn’t know how to fix the mess she’d joined him in. Even now, when he should be getting ready to keep moving, he couldn’t help but get drawn to her soft face, composed in sleep, a tiny smile on her lips and a faint pink dusting her cheeks from the warmth of their shared bedroll.

She was so gorgeous like this, it nearly stopped Zuko’s heart, especially as she grumbled with his movement and snuggled tighter against him, seemingly trying to burrow deeper into the blankets. The movement drew Zuko’s eye lower, to where he could make out the gentle swell of her breasts under her thin shift. The sight nearly overpowered him with longing, a desire to reach down and-

Zuko took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. Now was  _ not  _ the time to be having these thoughts! They were fugitives, dammit, they needed to get moving! But Zuko couldn’t bring himself to wake Mai. He could have sat here forever, entranced by the way her features softened with sleep, her mask falling away to reveal what her face was really like.

Eventually, Zuko grumbled and left the bedroll, beginning to gather their things before they left. As he worked, Mai finally blinked her eyes open, her mask settling back into place for a second before she remembered where she was. Then, her eyes lit up again and she smiled softly, looking up at Zuko.

“Hey, Zuko,” Mai said sleepily.

Zuko couldn’t help the small grin he returned to her as he replied, “Hello, Mai. Sleep well?”

Mai nodded as she sat up. “Yeah, I did,” she admitted, “better than I ever did in Omashu, actually.”

“That’s strange…” Zuko mused.

Mai shrugged and replied, “Probably just having something softer than rock to sleep on, honestly.”

Zuko raised his eyebrow, but didn’t comment as Mai got up and began to dress, slipping her various holsters and sheaths back into place before starting to pull on her dress and vest.

With their few possessions already packed, Zuko said, “Alright, first things first, we’re going to have to find you some new clothes.”

Mai paused, staring down at her richly decorated, high-quality Fire Nation dress with understanding. She agreed, “Yeah, I do stand out too much with this. A Fire Nation noblewoman wandering around the frontier alone is asking for trouble. So, what’s the plan?”

Zuko thought for a second, then said, “Let’s follow the road away from Omashu for now. There’s bound to be a town eventually, but if we find a farmhouse or something, we’ll see if we can’t...borrow some clothes.”

A more moral person might have objected to stealing from people not likely to be making much of a living themselves, but then, Mai’s entire life had been informed by might-makes-right, and besides, she knew full well that they didn’t really have many options. She nodded and said, “Okay. Speaking of which, we do still need to figure out what our long-term plan is.”

Zuko paused where he’d been tying their packs to the ostrich-horse, his head turned halfway back to Mai. 

He asked, “What do you mean, “long-term plan?”

Mai crossed her arms, unimpressed. “You know, a plan? Maybe a goal you’re aiming to reach, other than just gallivanting around the Earth Kingdom until Azula finds us and kills us?”

Zuko shuddered involuntarily at the mention of his sister, but he retorted indignantly, “I  _ do  _ have a goal! Capturing the Avatar!”

Mai sighed; she had thought they’d moved past this, but apparently not. “Zuko,” she replied calmly, “how are you going to do that?”

“I’ll figure something out!” Zuko replied, knowing that he sounded like a petulant child.

Mai was tempted to respond sarcastically, but she stopped herself. Now wasn’t the time to fight with Zuko, even if she thought that he would end up destroying himself because of this obsession before he ever succeeded. Instead, she came up behind him and gently put a hand on his arm, letting him lean into the touch as an apology.

After a moment, Zuko asked quietly, “Do you have a different idea?”

Mai nodded. “I still like my suggestion from yesterday,” she explained, “find a nice, remote village where nobody knows who we are, change our names and live quietly. The Earth Kingdom is huge, much bigger than even Ozai or Azula could ever hope to control. There’s a million tiny places we could disappear into.”

Zuko prompted, “And what would we do when we got there?”

Mai felt a blush creep over her cheeks as she replied, “Settle down, maybe. Get married. Maybe have a few kids? I think I’d like that.”

Zuko couldn’t see it, this future that Mai described for him. He didn’t know why, but something told him that it wasn’t his destiny to live out his life in the dirt.

Zuko asked, “You would really turn your back on your country like that? Let the war keep going? Live among enemies?”

Mai looked at Zuko seriously, her eyes low and dark but defiant. Stubbornly, she admitted, “I don’t care about the war, Zuko; I never have. It’s been going on for generations, and it will  _ keep  _ going for generations. It’s not my war, or your war; hell, it’s not even  _ Azula’s  _ war. It was started by our great-great-grandfathers for reasons that aren't important anymore, if they even were then. All I care about is  _ you,  _ Zuko. I want to keep you safe and alive and with me. If that means giving up my place in a nation I didn’t choose, then I’ll do it with a smile.”

Zuko knew Mai was telling the truth. He could hear it in her voice, and it made something inside him heat up, hearing someone declare him worth sacrificing everything for. That feeling chased away the patriot that wanted to yell at her for her disloyalty; perhaps he remembered that he, too, was a traitor to the Fire Nation, and in no place to judge her.

Instead, Zuko shook his head and said, “Even so, Mai, I just...can’t. I can’t give up now.”

Mai looked at him with pain in her eyes, the pain of watching someone you love in pain you couldn’t share. “Why not?” she asked.

Zuko turned back to do one last check of their supplies, then mounted the ostrich-horse, pulling Mai up behind him. With a snap of the reins, they were off once again. As soon as they had started, Zuko answered quietly, “I want it back, Mai. Everything that was taken from me. My nation, my throne, my honor... _ I want it.” _

Mai nodded quietly against Zuko’s back, her hands around his waist as they rode through mountain passes once more. This obsession...it worried her, but she could understand it. Zuko had always been determined to make the world a just, fair place, even when it wasn’t. It made sense that he was trying to balance the scales in his own life, to become the conquering hero he’d always dreamed of being.

Mai knew it wouldn’t work, because  _ she  _ had no compunctions about the world; it was an ugly, unfair place, and she could never see it the way Zuko did. 

But for the sake of his hero’s soul, she’d do whatever she could to heal the wounds and the scars his father and sister had left on him. If that meant helping him along, so be it. Mai would do whatever it took to help Zuko, because she loved him.

* * *

In the end, it was about half a day’s travel before Zuko and Mai came upon a small farmhouse that wasn’t abandoned. 

There was a young woman home, but she didn’t notice them ducking into some nearby bushes as she went about her chores. Mai watched the woman curiously. Her dirt-smudged face was weather-beaten, but even so, she didn’t seem that much older than Mai herself. Mai wondered what quirk of fate had put this woman in this place and her in the Imperial Palace, if the spirits she barely believed in had judged them fit for their places or not. 

Mai wondered what quirk of fate had put her in the position where she was stealing from this peasant. Although, it wasn’t a quirk of fate, was it? It was the first time she’d ever  _ not  _ been at the whims of fate, making her own decision to follow Zuko. 

Zuko tapped her on the shoulder, and Mai was jolted out of her thoughts. 

Zuko whispered, “There’s a tunic on one of the lines behind the house. Do you think it will fit you?”

Mai turned to follow his outstretched hand. She saw the tunic, in the dull greens and grays of the Earth Kingdom, sturdy and utilitarian. It looked about her size, though it probably would leave her lower legs exposed. That was fine, since she needed to be riding and running anyway.

Mai nodded and replied, “Yeah, it should.”

Zuko said, “Okay. Once she leaves, we grab it and go.”

The plan went off just as Zuko had outlined. The young woman left to attend to some other duty, and Mai swiftly dashed out of her hiding place. Within moments, she had the garment in her hands and was rejoining Zuko, heading back to where they’d left their mount.

As they walked, Zuko asked, “So, does it look okay?”

Mai held up her new tunic as they reached a small clearing, eyeing the fabric for any imperfections. Finding none, Mai answered, “Nope, it looks good. Here, give me one second.”

Wasting no time, Mai started to shimmy out of her vest and dress. Zuko made a strange sound as he watched Mai begin to pull off her clothes, and looked away as a blush covered his cheeks.

Mai paused with one arm already out of her dress, part of her enjoying the sight of Zuko blushing because of her, while another part that sounded a little like her mother screamed at her forwardness in undressing in front of him.

“Zuko, what’s with the look?” Mai asked.

Still not looking at her, Zuko replied weakly, “Oh, it’s nothing. I just...wasn’t expecting you to start changing right in the open where anyone could see.”

“Where  _ you  _ could see, you mean?” Mai asked dryly as she finished pulling off her dress. Now, she was only wearing her knives and the same shift she wore under all her clothes.

“Well, yeah,” Zuko admitted, “but there could be anyone in these woods! What if they saw you?”

“Oh, so you’re worried about my precious  _ modesty, _ are you?” Mai retorted, “now you sound like my mother!”

Zuko flinched and muttered, “Jeez, Mai, that’s not fair…”

Mai agreed, “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I hate you much less than I hate my mother.”

“Thanks...I think,” Zuko responded, “but Mai, I’m just worried about what would have happened if we got ambushed while you were changing.”

As she slipped into the tunic, ignoring the way her skin scraped against the coarse fabric, Mai snorted, “It would be quite the sight, wouldn’t it? A rogue prince and a nude noblewoman in the woods. Why, I must be getting ravished!”

Zuko shook his head and protested, “I-I’m not doing  _ that  _ with you, though!”

Mai nodded, trying to ignore the anxiety that bubbled in her stomach over being turned down the night before, and over asking in the first place. What if Zuko thought less of her for what she’d wanted to do with him?

Outwardly, though, Mai just said sarcastically, “Unfortunately, you’re right. I’m still thoroughly unravished. I have to say, you’re probably the most honorable exile I’ve ever met.”

Mai wrapped her arms around Zuko and kissed him gently, his eyes widening in surprise as she dragged him down to her level. At last, Zuko was released, and he got his first good look at Mai wearing an Earth Kingdom tunic, her pale skin somehow fitting decently well with the rough gray cloth. Zuko was wearing something similar, and he knew that even with Mai’s hair still up in her customary buns, they looked like just another pair of young refugees fleeing the endless war. That hurt Zuko’s pride a little, but even he knew that survival had to come before such things.

Zuko asked, “Do you still have all your knives under there?”

Mai patted herself down briefly, making sure that everything was in place and properly concealed. The tunic happened to have rather long sleeves, perhaps due to its imperfect creation. That suited Mai just fine; it made her knives that much easier to conceal. Eventually, Mai nodded to Zuko. 

“Yeah,” she said, “I’m good to go. Shall we get back on the road?”

Zuko turned to mount up, but paused as he remembered something else. He pointed to Mai’s old clothes, lying in a pile on the ground behind her.

“What should we do with those?” Zuko asked.

Mai thought about it for a moment. She’d liked those clothes; they’d been a compromise between her and her family, a “combat dress” with numerous hidden pockets and sturdy, protective fabric, yet still modest and demure enough to preserve her reputation as a well-bred noblewoman. Mai had worn them for so many important occasions. She’d concealed herself with that dress during missions and training with Azula and Ty Lee, the journey to Omashu, and the day she’d decided to throw away everything she’d ever known for a pair of golden eyes and a heart full of kindness.

With a jolt, Mai came to a realization; the dress was more than a dress. It was a reminder of the way her old life had contorted her, forced her to balance lethality and freedom with false pretenses, made her act like she cared about “modesty” and “breeding” and her father’s political career when she didn’t, not in the slightest. Besides, Mai couldn’t just  _ leave  _ it here. They were certainly being hunted; such an obvious marker of their presence would only give their pursuers a better chance of finding them.

Mai turned to Zuko and said, “Burn it.”

Zuko blinked, not quite understanding for a moment. Once he processed what Mai was asking, Zuko responded, “Are you sure, Mai?”

He knew what that dress had once meant to her, how hard she’d had to fight to convince her parents that even this compromise wasn’t putting her virtue or marriageability at risk, that she could enter the battlefield like she’d wanted to do so badly.

Mai nodded firmly. She explained, “Yes, Zuko, I want you to burn it. If we leave it here, someone will find it. Once that happens, Azula will find out, and she’ll be able to track us. We can’t leave behind anything like this that puts us at risk. We can’t bring it with us, either, because it’s too recognizable. Believe me, this is for the best.”

Zuko breathed out, and a flickering spark appeared with it, a reminder of the power that he could call up, power that Mai had seen and heard and felt. He said, “Okay, Mai.”

Mai watched as Zuko spread his feet wide into a perfect combat stance, and with a single motion and a snarl, poured a jet of flame directly onto the balled-up clothes. Mai felt something inside her crumbling to ash with the fabric, something that had been holding her back, slowing her transition into her new reality.

Mai didn’t tear her eyes away until the coals had died down to nothing. Only then did she mount the ostrich-horse, a move that was much easier in a tunic than it had been in a dress. 

They were a long way down the road when Mai spoke again. Quietly, she said, “Thank you, Zuko.”

Zuko replied, “Of course, Mai. You were right, they were too distinct.”

“Not just for that,” Mai explained, “for everything you’ve done.”

Zuko turned his head to look at her in confusion. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

Mai told him, “Zuko, you’ve been good to me this whole time. You’re going through a lot, aren’t you? But you still find the time to be kind, so thank you.”

Zuko slumped again, and Mai wasn’t sure what to think. She could see the struggle inside of him, in the lines of his body, the way his jaw set and his teeth ground against each other while they rode. Mai hoped that he wouldn’t lose himself on that road. 

She would help steer him back, as many times as she could, until he knew who he was again, knew it as surely as she knew.

When Zuko finally said something once more, it was on a very different topic.

He asked, “So, you really think Azula will be hunting us down?”

Mai replied, “That’s her mission. She recruited Ty Lee just for that; she tried to recruit me, too, but I...well, I kind of betrayed her instead.”

Zuko winced. Quietly, he said, “You shouldn’t have. I’m not worth it.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Mai answered sharply, “and you haven’t done anything to make me think you aren’t. What’s done is done, anyway.”

Zuko hummed thoughtfully. He mused, “How mad do you think Azula is right now, about someone she thought was “hers” rebelling against her?”

“Oh, she’s  _ furious,  _ I guarantee it,” Mai responded with an easiness that concealed the unease churning her stomach, “Azula called me and Ty Lee her friends, but we were really her lackeys. Azula doesn’t like her lackeys showing a backbone. If one does, she tries to rip it out.”

Shuddering at the all-too-familiar image, Zuko asked, “What will she do if she catches us?” He already knew the answer, somewhere in his mind; he’d grown up with Azula, shared the bond that all siblings do, even ones with as much blood and pain between them as him and his prodigy of a sister. Part of that bond was knowing exactly what your family was capable of.

With a detached coolness she adopted to avoid thinking about what she was saying, Mai replied, “Oh, you’d probably be dragged back home to be humiliated and then locked away forever.”

“And you?” Zuko prompted.

Mai’s eyes were dark and distant as she responded, “My life wouldn’t be worth a pile of ostrich-horse dung. I’d be lucky if Azula killed me quickly. I get the feeling I wouldn’t be lucky.”

With that pleasant thought still ringing in their ears, the couple rejoined the main road, heading east, deeper into the Earth Kingdom, with enemies behind them, and enemies ahead of them. 

But despite it all, when Mai snuggled closer to Zuko, feeling his warmth and his beating heart, she felt a little less afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, a certain Blue Spirit makes its return, with a few complications to boot.  
> See you then!  
> Discord server: https://discord.gg/nsk7Jm


	5. Of Betrayals And Dead Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Promises are made, broken, and made again.  
> Mai and Zuko make a mistake.  
> Azula slips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, it’s almost like I’ve got a schedule of some sort! Just ignore the three days out of four that had Crossing The Veil chapters, and it looks like I’m rotating through fics normally.  
> This chapter gives us our first glimpse into Azula and Ty Lee since chapter two, and I have to say, writing them how I did was something I did not expect to be as enjoyable and as deeply unsettling as it was. Azula’s mind is a scary place, y’all, especially when you’re in the same room as her.  
> Enjoy!

For three days, Mai and Zuko traveled east, away from Omashu and deeper into the Earth Kingdom. It didn’t really matter to either of them where they were going, not yet.

They began to get used to being together, sharing tender words and comfortable silences in equal measure. Mai wondered how she’d ever managed to sleep without Zuko’s warmth and comfort snuggled against her. Zuko, for his part, struggled to maintain his focus on his destiny; what was destiny compared to the way Mai smiled gently at him whenever he told her he loved her?

Eventually, though, Zuko’s limited supplies ran out, and they had a decision to make. In a small clearing in the woods around a town with a name neither of them knew, Mai and Zuko crouched down to discuss their next move.

“So,” Mai began, “we need to get some food. What do you want to do about it?”

Zuko answered, “The same thing I’ve been doing, probably.”

“Which is?” Mai prompted.

Zuko hesitated for a moment, a look of disgust crossing his face. Mai realized that it was disgust at _himself,_ and she thought she understood why.

Finally, Zuko said, “Stealing. We just need to go into town and find a good target, then we can load up on everything we need.”

Mai nodded, crossing her arms. “Okay,” she replied, “let’s go, then.”

Zuko looked at her strangely, an unreadable shimmer in his eyes. He told her, “You know, Mai, you’ve been adapting awfully quickly to life on the road. Don’t you miss everything from our old life?”

“Miss what?” Mai responded, “the servants who told my parents when I was out exploring instead of taking etiquette lessons? The food I was only allowed to pick at so I didn’t “ruin my figure?” Sure, I got anything I wanted growing up, but honestly, giving it up hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be.”

She was telling the truth; even in her weakest moments, Mai hadn’t found herself wishing that she was back home in the Fire Nation. Sure, it was a jarring transition from being nobility to being a fugitive, a transition she could tell was still weighing heavy on Zuko. But somehow, his presence eased things for Mai, put her struggles to adapt into perspective.

Zuko asked, “Really? Why hasn’t it been that bad?”

“Because of you,” Mai answered honestly. Zuko’s eyes widened and he blushed, a look that made a smile slip through Mai’s fingers and appear on her face.

At last, Zuko recovered himself enough to suggest, “Let’s wait for nightfall first.”

Mai nodded and agreed, “Good idea. Rest now, commit crimes later.”

Zuko didn’t even blink, much to Mai’s disappointment. She busied herself helping set up their camp, a comfortable routine she and Zuko had developed that was so domestic and intimate it nearly made Mai sick.

It didn’t, though, because it was _Zuko_ she affectionately pecked on the cheek as he spread out their bedroll and tent, and she could never feel anything but a warm lightness in her chest when it came to him.

Agni, being in love was _disgusting._ She never wanted this feeling to go away.

* * *

Just after nightfall, Zuko got up from where he and Mai had just fallen asleep, trying to make sure he didn’t wake up Mai as he did. His girlfriend sighed quietly as he rose, snuggling into the blankets even more. Zuko let out a shallow breath of relief as he quickly snuck over to their mount and retrieved something from a side pocket.

With that done, Zuko slipped his dao into place and started to tiptoe out of the clearing and towards the town. He snuck one last guilty look at Mai.

Zuko didn’t like leaving her to go off by himself. It felt like a betrayal, especially since it was the same thing he’d done with his uncle, sneaking off to steal supplies like this. But Zuko refused to put Mai in danger or risk her getting caught. Besides, he could do this by himself, without anyone’s help.

Zuko made it out of camp safely, headed for the edge of the woods and the town beyond. As he moved through the dark woods, he reached down to slip on the familiar mask. Blue wood and silver fangs covered his features, and Zuko felt himself slip easily into the confident stride of a trained swordsman, something he never quite managed in his own skin.

The Blue Spirit walked again, heading for his next target.

He didn’t notice Mai’s eyes open behind him and instantly find her boyfriend’s warmth missing.

* * *

Zuko finally made it to a small shed right at the edge of town, just outside the sturdy walls that he could see were dotted with the moving lights of patrolling guards.

With his back against the wall of the wooden building, Zuko peered around the shed to study the guards’ movements, waiting for an opening.

He was so distracted, he didn’t notice the presence behind him until it dryly said, “Going somewhere?”

Eyes wide, Zuko whirled to face the voice he recognized and saw Mai standing behind the shed with him, looking thoroughly unamused.

Zuko slumped down, knowing he’d been caught. Guiltily, he muttered, “Hey, Mai.”

“Hello, Zuko. Fancy seeing you here,” Mai replied in a monotone voice, her arms crossed over her chest.

For a moment, Zuko stayed silent, hoping that someone was going to save him from his girlfriend’s ire.

Instead, Mai said, “I have to say, I’m really not surprised. It’s just like you.”

Zuko hung his head even more, certain that he’d fucked up beyond all repair. He began, “Mai, I’m really, really sorry. Please don’t leave me…”

Mai raised an eyebrow in surprise, concealing her shock on instinct. “Why would I do that?” she asked.

Zuko stared up at her in surprise, reminding Mai that the last time she’d seen someone he loved upset with him, it had ended with his father attacking and banishing him. She felt a surge of protectiveness sweep over her, and she let it guide her actions.

Kneeling leaning down to cup Zuko’s face in her hands, Mai whispered, “Zuko, I’m not going to leave you. Not now, and not ever.”

“B-but aren’t you mad?” Zuko asked weakly.

“A little,” Mai admitted, “you tried to sneak out and do something we agreed to do together by yourself. When I woke up, I was scared for a second that you’d left me.”

Zuko felt a pang of fury at himself for hurting Mai like that. How could he have been so stupid? Of _course_ Mai wouldn’t want to be left alone.

Then Mai continued, “But I’m not mad at you, Zuko. After all, you’re used to doing things yourself, aren’t you?”

Zuko nodded wordlessly, remembering three years where he’d never _quite_ been alone, but he’d always been close. Uncle had helped, sure, but more and more, Zuko had found himself only able to rely on his own abilities, his own mind. He added, “I...I wanted to protect you, Mai. I didn’t want you to get hurt or captured.”

Mai smiled gently at Zuko’s honesty. She replied, “Zuko, you know I don’t need to be protected.”

Zuko nodded wordlessly, remembering how skilled she was with darts and knives. Why had he ever thought Mai would sit quietly like the noblewoman she hated being?

“Besides,” Mai added quietly, “what do you think it would be like for me, knowing that you’re rushing off into danger without being able to help you? I’m not going to sit idly while you risk your life, Zuko.”

Zuko slipped the mask off for a moment to look Mai in the face. Mai smiled wider as his golden eyes shimmered lovingly.

His voice ringing sincerely, Zuko said, “I’m sorry, Mai. Forgive me?”

“Of course,” Mai told him, glad that Zuko was willing to listen. Then, she added, “From now on, we’re partners, okay? We have to work together, or this won’t work.”

Zuko nodded as he agreed, “Partners.”

Mai leaned forward to kiss him softly, a promise to always be beside him. Then, she asked, “Well, are we going to do this or not?”

Zuko was stunned for a second by her complete reversal, but he decided that it was better than her still being mad at him. Instead, he answered, “Um...okay. Will…will you be fine without a mask?”

“Probably. In the dark, I’ll just look like another Earth Kingdom woman with the tunic,” Mai replied after a moment’s pause.

Zuko nodded, then smiled as a thought came to him. He suggested, “We should get you a mask, too.”

Mai looked thoughtful. She admitted, “You know what, I wouldn’t mind it, as long as I got a cool name like you did.”

“You can be the Orange Spirit,” Zuko teased, only for a knife to appear in Mai’s hand as if by magic, the point a little close to his nose for comfort.

Her voice low and intense, Mai threatened, “I will _not_ be the _Orange Spirit,_ Zuko. I _hate_ orange. It’s just...so _bright_ and _colorful!_ Ugh…”

Zuko gently lowered the knife away from his face, and chuckled lightly at Mai’s grumbling complaints about the color orange. He agreed, “Fine, you don’t have to be the Orange Spirit. Now, let’s get going, okay?”

Mai nodded, still looking a little miffed about Zuko’s joke. She scrunched her nose as if thinking about her least favorite color, and Zuko wanted to kiss it.

Instead, he began “I’ve been noticing that one of the guards pauses at the north tower for a bit longer than usual. If we wait for him to look the other way…”

Mai leaned in closer as Zuko explained his plan. She loved it when he got like this, because his eyes were burning so intensely she swore they had fire themselves. She couldn’t think of anyone else she’d rather be infiltrating heavily guarded Earth Kingdom towns with.

* * *

Ten minutes later, two dark shapes slipped over the walls with ease, bypassing sleepy guards and heading straight for the center of town, where several storehouses were located.

Zuko and Mai made their way through the quiet town, and soon reached their target. With a few silent hand signals, they were inside, and began filling up on what they needed. As she finished up, Mai was struck by the similarities between what she and Zuko were doing, and the old kitchen raids she, Ty Lee, and Azula used to do at the Academy for Girls. It had been the closest Mai and Ty Lee ever came to feeling like Azula’s friends, rather than her most trusted servants. 

Of course, things had changed now. Instead of helping her steal tarts, Mai’s old friends were hunting her down. 

_“Plus, I’m not exactly stealing tarts anymore,”_ Mai thought wryly as she and Zuko slipped back out of the storehouse, their packs laden with dried meats and travel bread. It wouldn’t be a whole lot of variety, but they wouldn’t have to worry about food for a week or two.

Unfortunately, getting out of the town wasn’t quite as easy as getting in had been.

As Zuko helped boost Mai over the wall, a guard came around the corner, yawning widely.

His eyes went wide when he saw the mask of the Blue Spirit. Mai could only watch from the top of the wall as the guard drew his spear and shouted, “Alarm! Alarm! Intruders are climbing the wall!”

Zuko and Mai moved swiftly and in sync. A spinning shuriken lopped the head off the guard’s spear as Zuko charged, laying the man out cold with a single blow from the hilt of one of his swords. But it was too late; all along the wall, more guards came piling out, swarming towards them like ants.

Mai was too focused on helping Zuko up to realize that the guards were coming, so she ended up turning around and seeing four armed men closing too rapidly for comfort.

“Zuko! It’s time to go!” Mai warned as she whipped two overlapping waves of darts at the men coming from their left, then another set in the opposite direction. It sent multiple guards sprawling, pinned to walls, the floor, or each other, but Mai knew that this was beyond them.

Zuko nodded wordlessly, and they jumped the wall together, landing on the roof of the very shed they’d hidden behind earlier and clambering down, slipping off into the darkness.

As they left, Mai heard a guard shout, “That was the Blue Spirit!”

Mai snorted at the scared tone of the man’s voice, but then a realization crossed her mind, and her blood went cold. 

As they disappeared into the forest, Mai came screeching to a halt, making Zuko turn to face her.

Her voice icy and with the hint of a tremor, Mai told him, “Zuko, we can’t do that again.”

Pulling off the mask, Zuko looked at Mai curiously. “Why not?” he asked, clearly worried.

Mai grasped his wrist as she explained, “Back in Omashu, when I left with you, remember when I made you take off your mask?”

Zuko nodded slowly, still confused.

Mai continued, _“Ty Lee saw you._ She knows you’re the Blue Spirit.”

Zuko’s eyes went wide as he remembered a mantra he and Mai had learned as children in the Imperial Palace. He breathed, “And what Ty Lee knows…”

“Azula knows,” Mai finished. 

Zuko gulped, understanding at last. He said simply, “Fuck.”

Mai nodded in agreement, her lips thin and pressed together. She decided, “We need to keep moving. First thing tomorrow, we’re leaving and heading further east. As soon as Azula gets word from Fire Nation spies that we were spotted here, she’ll burn this place to the ground looking for us.”

Zuko nodded grimly and pulled Mai close, as if reminding himself that they were still alive.

They headed back to the clearing, hoping against hope that they would have enough time to get away.

Mai’s thoughts returned to her old friends, and she wondered what they thought of her now. Azula had no use for a toy with a mind of its own, so the princess probably just wanted to kill her. Ty Lee, though...Mai had been her friend. Would the acrobatic girl still think so the next time they met?

The thought of seeing hatred in Ty Lee’s gentle brown eyes hurt Mai more than she would ever admit. But for tonight, Mai let Zuko’s golden eyes help her drift off to sleep, their arms wrapped tight around each other.

* * *

In a military camp a day’s travel from Omashu, Ty Lee walked towards the largest, most imposing tent, normally the residence of the commanding general. Now, though, Princess Azula had commandeered it for her own as she and Ty Lee prepared their next move in the hunt for...their targets.

Ty Lee exhaled softly, trying to avoid thinking about their newest target. 

_“She’s not your friend anymore,”_ Ty Lee told herself, _“Mai betrayed you.”_

Somehow, she didn’t believe herself. Mai had always been a vital part of their trio, the quiet counterbalance to Ty Lee’s energy and Azula’s scheming. Together, they’d been unstoppable, and unbreakable.

Or so Ty Lee had thought. Now, she wasn’t so sure how powerful their bond had actually been, and Azula seemed much more fragile than she’d thought.

From inside the tent, there was a yell, and a soldier came out of the front flap, clutching the side of his face and trying desperately to avoid screaming in pain. Ty Lee winced as the man’s hand came away from his face for a moment and she saw the long charred mark there, the sign of a small and intense jet of fire passed along the skin with the intent of causing pain.

As the man fled the tent, Ty Lee hesitated in front of the entrance, remembering how Azula had exploded in Omashu after Mai’s betrayal. For a moment, Ty Lee had been convinced that she was going to die, that the storm of blue flame was going to consume her. Then, Azula had seemed to regain some control, and the flames had died down.

But Azula’s face when those flames disappeared would haunt Ty Lee forever. It wasn’t the composed face of a noblewoman, or the haughty sneer that Azula wore even around other high-ranking officials, knowing that she was the highest-ranking of them all. It wasn’t even the calculating, always-moving face that Azula wore in combat. No, this had been the snarl of a monster, an expression of grinding teeth and unthinking rage and a desire to burn the world to ash. It had vanished from Azula’s face as quickly as the flames had, but Ty Lee still thought she could see a shadow of it, sometimes.

Ty Lee had always known Azula cared, in her own way, about her friends; she could see it in her aura. Azula was scary sometimes, and angry, and maybe she could be mean and harsh, but Ty Lee knew that there was more to the princess than who she was in her darkest moments. That was why Ty Lee had become her friend, after all; Azula had looked like she needed one.

Watching Azula order Mai’s parents arrested was hard, even if she’d allowed their son to be brought to his uncle. Ty Lee was just grateful that she hadn’t hurt them; for a second, Azula had looked like she’d wanted to.

But now...Ty Lee was scared. Not _of_ Azula, no, definitely not. Ty Lee was scared _for_ Azula, for what would happen if she kept spiraling like this.

At last, there was a voice from inside the tent. It demanded, “Get in here, Ty Lee!”

Gulping, Ty Lee obeyed, shrugging aside the flaps of the tent and quickly entering. 

Inside, there was only one person; Azula, sitting alone in a chair that overlooked a table with a large map of the Earth Kingdom on it. She didn’t look well; her beloved hair was mostly in its place, but it was tangled here and there, as though she hadn’t combed it in a day or two, which Ty Lee knew she hadn’t. There were bags under her eyes; she hadn’t been sleeping much. Her fingers were tapping the table constantly, a nervous tic that would have been an unacceptable lapse a few days before. Now, Azula didn’t even seem to notice.

Ty Lee asked, “What happened to that guy?”

“He was a pathetic fool,” Azula replied absentmindedly, “he asked me if there was anything he could do for me, as if I wasn’t able to do everything _myself!_ Well, I gave him a reminder of just how capable I am.”

Ty Lee tried to hide the pity in her eyes as she looked at Azula. Instead, she said, “So, what’s our next move?”

Azula didn’t even seem to hear Ty Lee, instead muttering, “Traitors and cowards, all of them...barely able to walk and think at the same time. No wonder Father sent me and me alone to capture ZuZu…”

When Azula’s eyes focused on Ty Lee again, they had a dangerous light to them. Ty Lee suppressed a shudder, her smile weakening as Azula stood.

 _“Mai_ betrayed us. She thinks that love is going to keep her safe, does she? Well, fine. I’ll find that traitor, and I’ll…” Azula hissed, a puff of flame rising from her palm before she squeezed it shut like a vise, suffocating the blue spark into nothingness.

Ty Lee remembered Mai, her quiet, grumpy friend who hid the deepest heart of anyone she knew underneath an exterior of pure ice, and it took strength she didn’t even know she had not to cry.

Azula was right, though, wasn’t she? This giant, gaping hole in Ty Lee’s heart was _Mai’s_ fault; that was why there was anger inside her right now, anger and fear and maybe a little bit of the kind of hate you can have for someone you once loved. Ty Lee could read her own aura as well as anyone else’s; she knew what those colors meant, and she didn’t fight them or try to change them like she usually did. She _deserved_ to be angry; she had a right to her rage.

Azula stalked closer to Ty Lee, her eyes a little bit wild, on the verge of becoming unhinged; when Ty Lee looked into them, she got the impression of a rope strained right to the breaking point, able to hold as long as nothing changed at all, and no force was added to make it snap.

It took all of Ty Lee’s willpower not to back away as Azula approached, but she didn’t. This was her friend, the closest one she had left, and she was hurting badly, in need of help that only Ty Lee was around to give. 

Ty Lee refused to lose any more friends; one was too many. She wouldn’t let Azula be hurt any more than she already had been.

Azula cared, Ty Lee knew that. Azula cared about her friends more than she would ever admit, maybe more than she knew. And Ty Lee could tell that Azula had cared about Mai, had never even imagined that she would betray them both.

Ty Lee had never been in such sync with Azula before, and that scared her too. It felt like the fury boiling in her belly belonged to someone else, but it was hers. It had to be.

Azula’s hand came up to cup Ty Lee’s cheek, and Ty Lee _did not_ shudder. It took all she had, and a little more besides, but even as Azula’s nails traced their way down her face the same way they must have to that horribly marked man, Ty Lee didn’t move an inch.

Azula murmured, “We’re all that’s left, Ty Lee. You and me. Mai’s as good as dead; she betrayed us, threw away everything we ever had. You won’t betray me, too, will you, Ty Lee?”

Ty Lee knew that Azula was a master manipulator, but even she wasn’t sure if that waver at the end, the tiny amount of vulnerability and desperation that colored Azula’s tightly controlled voice, was real or not. Maybe it didn’t matter either way.

“O-of course not,” Ty Lee replied, trying not to look at the darkness in Azula’s aura when the princess said Mai’s name.

Azula lingered for a long second, studying Ty Lee’s face as though reading every thought that had ever crossed the acrobat’s head. Ty Lee stood very still, the way someone faced with an angry tigerdillo would have.

At last, Azula released her and composed herself again. In a voice much more like her old confident, domineering self, she demanded, “Ty Lee, is there anything else you remember from when my brother was in Omashu? Any detail that could help us locate him?”

Ty Lee froze. Memories raced through her mind, of a blue mask removed to show a pink scar, of a wanted criminal and a dead friend. She should tell Azula, she knew that. Not doing so might be treason. And yet...Ty Lee didn’t want to see what Azula would do when they caught Mai, not yet. As awful as the thought was, Ty Lee needed time, time to cut Mai out of her heart. Azula did, too, so really, Ty Lee was helping her. 

Somehow, Ty Lee wasn’t convincing herself, but it was too late.

Ty Lee took a deep breath and shook her head. She answered, “No, Azula, I didn’t see anything.”

Azula stroked her chin thoughtfully, humming as she planned. At last, she clapped her hands sharply and ordered, “Come along, Ty Lee, we have work to do. First things first, let’s prepare the train Father’s engineers have been developing. It will be the fastest way to move further into the Earth Kingdom.”

Ty Lee cradled herself as Azula stepped outside, taking great gulps of air as the weight on her chest vanished with the princess of the Fire Nation.

Well, Ty Lee had kept her promise to Azula…she thought. Hopefully, Agni would agree.

Ty Lee rose to her feet, and set her face in stone like... _she_ used to. There was no more time for regrets. Now, it was time to hunt down an old friend.

Ty Lee wondered if she would be able to look Mai in the eye when the time came. She doubted it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Zuko isn’t quite as alone as he was.  
> See you then!  
> Discord server: https://discord.gg/rPnRUFt


	6. You Will Not Be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small town brings up memories and reflections for Zuko and Mai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After nearly a week, I have returned! I don’t think I ever warned you guys that I had another vacation week planned, so sorry about that. But I’m back now, and I have a few things I want to talk about with this chapter.  
> I ended up splitting up the events of Zuko Alone into two chapters-this will be the first. I normally don’t go at a slow enough pace for this, or trace canon events as closely as these chapters will, but seeing as Zuko Alone is both one of my favorite episodes of ATLA and a hugely important moment for Zuko as a character, I really have to do it justice.  
> On that note, there’s two other important things: first, there are sections of canon or nearly-canon dialogue in here. They’ll be pretty obvious if you’ve seen the episode, but for the ones I didn’t copy verbatim, it’s either because I didn’t want to spend the time and words to do it, or just forgot the exact wording and went for “close enough.”  
> Second, there are times in here where I don’t cover events that happened in canon in much detail. They still happened, but there’s literally no reason for me to go over them since nothing changes and there’s no way I could ever match the absolutely perfect way the ATLA creators handled these scenes. There will be more of this next time, too, but I only cover scenes where Mai’s presence really makes a big difference or the scene itself is critically important to Zuko’s development.  
> So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

Over the next two weeks, Mai and Zuko traveled deeper into the Earth Kingdom, with no particular destination, but constantly leaving Fire Nation territory further and further behind.

Mai got used to it quickly; she found something about the steady, endless motion of the ostrich-horse as they traveled through endless fields and hills to be soothing, especially since it gave her an excuse to hold Zuko tight. They became more and more accustomed to being together; soon, they moved and acted like a couple in perfect sync, barely even aware of how easily they understood each other. Mai loved just curling up under the blankets and in Zuko’s arms; it made her feel safe and  _ loved  _ in a way she realized that she’d been lacking. It didn’t matter if they were in a cave, a tent, or under the open sky; as long as Mai had Zuko, she was happy.

_ (Even if constantly huddling against him only made Mai more aware that they  _ still  _ hadn’t had sex, something she was still determined to rectify as soon as possible.) _

Zuko, too, found himself sleeping better and staying calmer with Mai by his side. She soothed him, tempered his moods, offered a distraction and a reminder of what was important in the world whenever Zuko questioned everything. When Mai would see him missing home, she would pull him close and kiss him until her lips chased away the fears that clawed at him.

Both of them were naturally quiet people, and as they grew more in tune, they could sometimes go hours without speaking aloud, communicating through touches and expressions. Mai could tighten her grip on Zuko’s waist, and he would give her an answering squeeze of her elbow, making her smile against his neck and mouth unspoken words against his skin.

Mai didn’t even hate it that much anymore, all this affection and lovey-dovey nonsense. How could she, when Zuko’s presence beside her felt as natural as air?

* * *

The food they’d stolen during the last appearance of the Blue Spirit lasted them nearly two weeks, but at last, it ran out. When it did, Mai and Zuko had no choice but to keep going; there was nowhere to resupply nearby, and the dry, blistering heat wore on both of them.

Mai bit back her complaints; she knew they wouldn’t help. But as their mount struggled, too, she wondered how much farther they could realistically go.

When they came across the smell of roasting meat along the trail and spotted a man tending a fire, Mai could read the calculation in Zuko’s eyes well enough. His hand drifted down towards his swords, and Mai didn’t stop it.

They were starving and desperate, and Mai knew as well as Zuko that starving, desperate fugitives were close to death. Neither of them were willing to die like this. If that meant acting on the feverish thoughts swirling through their minds...maybe it was necessary.

Then, Zuko froze, and Mai followed the track of his eyes to where the man had risen from his place next to the fire to tend to his companion, a visibly pregnant woman who, judging from the loving look they shared, was clearly his wife.

Something in Zuko seemed to struggle for a long, teetering moment, weighing hunger against humanity. Mai...didn’t feel the same struggle, and that scared her. Even so, she knew she wouldn’t do anything, not when Zuko needed her help.

At last, Zuko’s hand slumped away from his hip, and Mai covered his wrist with her gentle fingers.

Softly, she suggested, “Let’s keep moving.”

Zuko took a deep breath, and nodded silently, hauling on the reins of their ostrich-horse as they resumed their journey.

It was a long silence that followed, as both of them were left to reckon with the decision they’d almost made.

At last, Zuko said quietly, “I almost attacked a pregnant woman.”

Mai didn’t reply; she knew that Zuko just needed to get this off his chest, needed someone to speak to.

Zuko continued, “I...didn’t know she was there, but  _ still…” _

Mai squeezed Zuko’s arm tighter, supporting him as he whispered, “And the worst part is...even after I knew, I  _ still considered it.  _ What...what kind of  _ monster  _ am I?”

At last, Mai’s love roused her to speak. “You’re  _ not  _ a monster,” Mai insisted.

Zuko turned his head to her, his teeth gritted as he asked, “Why not? You saw what I almost did back there.”

Mai ran a hand along the back of Zuko’s neck as she pointed out, “But you  _ didn’t  _ do it. You never even drew your swords.”

“That doesn’t matter!” Zuko snapped, “I still had the thought!”

“It  _ does  _ matter, Zuko. You had the thought, and then you knew it was wrong. The good won out,” Mai replied. The truth in her own words shocked her, but it made her recall something she’d always known about Zuko.

Zuko was the best person Mai had ever known. Something about him, some part of his soul, could tell right from wrong, could guide him through anger and hatred to kindness with a certainty Mai had always admired. Zuko, at his core, was a fundamentally good person. Even if he’d been alone, without Mai there, he would have made the right choice with that couple; she believed that with every fiber of her being.

Mai...wasn’t a good person, not in the same natural way as her boyfriend. Truth be told, Mai wasn’t really sure what  _ she  _ would have done, if she had been alone. She liked to  _ think _ that she would have gone on her way, not harmed either of them, been like Zuko. She also couldn’t be sure, and that scared her more than anything. Mai was hungry, and angry, and afraid; it would have been so  _ easy.  _ Mai didn’t feel that same pull to goodness as Zuko; she was neutral, balanced like a knife, with the potential to tip either way. Long years of habit and upbringing tilted her towards things Zuko would call evil; his golden eyes brought her back towards good again.

Such was the result of a life spent in a world where morals were secondary to power in all things, she supposed.

Oddly, though, Mai found herself absorbing some of Zuko’s strong sense of right and wrong, the longer she loved him; she wondered if just spending time with him made her a better person. 

Mai accepted this, the knowledge that Zuko was her moral compass, with something that might have been indifference, but felt more like resignation; after all, what could she do about it? He was a part of her now, and they made each other greater than the sum of their parts. 

Wasn’t that what love was?

At last, Zuko spoke again. He asked, “Mai, what are you thinking about?”

Mai answered, “You. You’re the best man I’ve ever known, Zuko.”

Zuko snorted bitterly. With biting venom in his voice, he wondered, “Really? Then why am I wandering the desert as an exile, a  _ traitor?” _

_ “Because,”  _ a part of Mai’s heart that was not bound by old ties, old propaganda, replied,  _ “that’s the fate of goodness when evil takes over.” _

Instead of voicing it, Mai simply wrapped her arms tighter around Zuko, kissed the back of his neck, and whispered, “Maybe it’s destiny.”

They crested the next hill, and spotted a town spread out in the valley below.

Without even needing to stop or discuss their plan, Zuko spurred their staggering mount one last time, and they headed for the settlement.

* * *

The first thing Mai noticed as they rode into town was how  _ dirty  _ everything was.

Call her a stuck-up noblewoman, but Mai didn’t like dirt. She didn’t like it on her, around her, and  _ especially  _ not on her knives. But this town was  _ full _ of dirt; run-down and ramshackle buildings lined the single street, which was empty save for a small group of men huddled around a game of dice.

When they reached the stable, Mai stayed on their mount while Zuko slipped off to speak to the merchant. That meant that while Zuko was absorbed in haggling, Mai got to watch as a scraggly-looking street urchin snuck up towards the men playing dice, who she now realized were wearing army uniforms. Paranoia and a lifetime of training had Mai slipping a knife into her palm, the familiar weight a comfort as the blade slipped between her fingers.

The kid threw an egg at the men, then dashed away, laughing loudly. The men whirled, yelling in outrage and anger. Mai saw them search the street for the thrower, but the only people visible were Mai, Zuko, and the merchant who had just handed over two bags of feed. 

The leader of the soldiers, for that was clearly what they were, marched forwards, making Mai tense and ready another knife. Only Zuko’s hand slipping over hers prevented her from adding more.

The tall, bearded man demanded, “You throw that egg?”

“No,” Zuko replied in a low, dangerous tone. Mai knew that voice was a warning, but the man didn’t seem to care.

He continued, “You see who threw that egg?”

As he spoke, the commander was visibly sizing up Mai and Zuko, while Mai did the same to him. The man didn’t move with the easy grace of a trained warrior, but he had the brutish, aggressive body language of a fighter nonetheless. The ugly-looking hammers at his belt only reinforced Mai’s sense that this was a man who would only cause them trouble.

Zuko’s eyes flicked sideways to lock with Mai’s, a silent question in his gaze. Mai thought about that kid, about the way he’d smiled and laughed as he played, and her eyes fell back onto the soldier’s hammers. She shook her head, almost imperceptibly.

Zuko looked back at the man and answered,  _ “No.” _

The man held Zuko’s gaze for a long moment; Zuko stared back evenly while Mai felt ignored. She didn’t mind, though, as it gave her a chance to prepare even more weapons to be ready to throw.

After all, the most effective way to remove someone who was making trouble was to plant a few knives in them.

At last, the man grinned cruelly, marching forwards to take the feed that the merchant had laid on the planks behind Zuko. Mai tensed again, but she knew that attacking would start a fight they weren’t likely to win. In his deep, smug voice, the soldier thanked them for their “contribution,” then said, “You best leave town, stranger. The price for staying is a lot higher than you or your woman can afford.”

He looked meaningfully at Mai, his eyes twinkling in a way that made shivers run down Mai’s spine. She resisted the temptation to plant a knife directly between the soldier’s leering eyes.

Zuko’s hand landed on hers again, and Mai let out a breath she hadn’t even known she was holding. Instead, she just watched as the man walked away, his words barely even registering.

At last, Mai muttered, “I don’t like what he was implying.”

“Neither do I,” Zuko agreed, his golden eyes shimmering with suppressed anger.

Behind them, the merchant explained, “Those soldiers are supposed to protect us from the Fire Nation, but they’re just a bunch of thugs.”

Mai mostly ignored the man, but the way he said  _ Fire Nation  _ stuck in her mind. The venom in his voice was palpable, and the fear was too. It was the first time Mai had ever heard her nation, or at least her  _ former  _ nation, named like that. She understood it, of course; this man was Earth Kingdom through and through. Even so, it was a grim reminder that they were in enemy territory, and if people knew who they were, they’d be lucky to escape alive.

Meanwhile, Zuko’s eyes were burning at the injustice of it all, as Mai had known they would. Zuko had commanded soldiers for three years, and he  _ still  _ believed that men who fought for their country should be noble, and just, and above all, honorable. Mai knew better, because she had been around Azula longer than Zuko; even so, that faith in people, that determination to fight injustice wherever he found it, was one of the things Mai loved most about Zuko.

Right now, though, it really wasn’t helping. Mai rested her hand on Zuko’s shoulder and reminded him in a soft whisper, “I know it eats at you, babe, but this isn’t our fight. Right now, we have to figure out what we’re going to do next.”

Zuko’s stomach rumbled again, and he winced.

“Yeah, we do,” he decided, his body language relaxing again.

Luckily, just then the kid who’d thrown the egg popped up out of nowhere. Mai, never fond of surprises, nearly had a knife in the air before she caught herself enough to hear the gap-toothed urchin invite them to his parents’ farm as a thank-you for protecting him.

Well, it wasn’t like Mai and Zuko had anywhere else to be.

* * *

The little boy, who said his name was Lee, brought them to a farm outside of town. As they rode up, a middle-aged woman in a simple but clean dress came out to greet them. 

“My name is Sela,” the woman said, “are you Lee’s friends?”

Before Mai and Zuko could respond, Lee told his mother about what had happened in town. After that, Sela’s suspicious gaze softened a little, though she still looked at Mai with a knowing expression that made Mai’s pride sting. 

After an awkward moment where Zuko tripped over his own name and Sela told them that they didn’t have to identify themselves if they didn’t want to, Mai felt a little more appreciation for this older woman. That appreciation became grudging respect when Sela deftly maneuvered around Zuko’s pride to offer to let them stay for dinner if Zuko helped out on the farm. 

Zuko hesitated for a moment, looking over his shoulder at Mai.

Seeing the gesture, Sela’s smile took on almost an approving gleam, and without even needing Zuko to ask, she assured him, “Oh, your wife can help me out, too.”

Zuko flinched and stammered, “She’s not my-“

Ignoring the little thrill of happiness that ran down her spine at Sela’s words, Mai pinched him, and he shut up. All the while, Sela’s smile only grew more understanding, as if she already knew everything about the sight unfolding in front of her. 

Dismounting, Zuko whispered, “I love you, Mai. See you tonight.”

Mai smiled softly, pressing a kiss against Zuko’s lips before she replied, “I love you too, Zuko.”

Then, they parted ways, Lee bouncing along after Zuko. Mai took a deep breath and prepared to face her greatest enemy yet: domestic labor.

* * *

An hour later, Mai was holding a knife that was probably the most aggravating thing about all of this. The balance was all  _ wrong,  _ and it only had one sharpened side, and there was no  _ way _ you could possibly use this as a weapon. What good was a knife if you couldn’t kill somebody with it?

Well, at least she was good at dicing the vegetables like Sela had asked her to, thanks to years of practice with the kinds of knives currently stashed under her tunic. It wasn’t even that bad, having something simple and repetitive to do like this; it let Mai get lost in the motions for a while, gave her a chance to think.

Of course, Mai’s thinking was interrupted soon after she finally found her rhythm, when Sela mused, “You know, we see a decent number of travelers out here, but not that many couples.”

Mai didn’t respond beyond a polite sound of interest; she wasn’t exactly good at conversations, especially with strangers. That didn’t seem to discourage Sela, though.

The woman began, “Your business is your own, of course, but I do wonder…”

“Wonder what?” Mai replied curtly, figuring she could at least  _ try  _ to pass the time better than cutting more vegetables in silence.

“You two do seem a little young to be traveling alone, don’t you? And, forgive me, but if you two are really married, I’ll eat my shoes,” Sela finished.

Mai snorted a little, but sobered again as she thought about how to respond. Eventually, she said, “You’re right, I suppose. It’s not official, or written down anywhere, or anything like that…”

“I’m sensing a “but” here,” Sela prompted lightly.

Mai nodded softly and continued, “But I love him, and he loves me. That’s about the only constant in our lives right now, and honestly, I don’t think any label could ever do what we share justice. So...I don’t disagree with how other people choose to describe us, because in the end, it doesn’t really matter.”

Sela looked thoughtful for a moment, then replied, “That’s a surprisingly mature way of looking at it, considering your age.”

Mai bristled for a moment, demanding, “What does age have to do with it?”

“Nothing,” Sela replied, “forgive me, I was just thinking aloud. It’s just...what has this world come to, when I hear young women speaking like that?”

“There’s much worse things going on in this world,” Mai answered bitterly, memories of Azula and her family coming to the surface.

“I know,” Sela agreed somberly, “I swear, this war...it always felt so far away, until my son left to fight in it.”

Mai felt her eyebrows rise. “Your son? Isn’t he too young to fight?” she asked.

Sela explained, “I’m talking about my oldest son, Sensu. Although...I’ve heard disturbing rumors about what “old enough to fight” means these days, anyway.”

Mai’s thoughts were messy then. On the one hand, this Sensu would have been her enemy, had she ever been involved more directly in attacks on the Earth Kingdom, and Mai was not one to empathize with her enemies. On the other...what was one treason on top of another? So Mai let herself hope that maybe, this one meaningless soldier would find his way home, someday. She didn’t care who won the war, but maybe this family didn’t have to lose.

“It must be terrifying,” Mai heard herself say, “to know your child is in danger, and not being able to help.”

Sela nodded wordlessly, her eyes wet. Then, the older woman agreed, “It is. I hope that you never have to experience that. Maybe now that the Avatar has returned...the war can end, and my son can come back home.”

“Huh?” Mai asked, not about the Avatar or the war or any of it, but about Sela’s wish for  _ her. _

The knowing smile on Sela’s face said it all as she replied, “When you and that young man out there have children, you’ll know what I’m talking about.”

Mai didn’t respond beyond a noncommittal noise, her mind lost in thoughts of the future Sela had just spoken into being. Could that be her, someday? Could she and Zuko, even if they never returned to the Fire Nation, settle down, have a family? Why did she dare to  _ hope _ so desperately that they would?

Then, Mai imagined herself in Sela’s place, her son off at war, Mai unable to keep him safe. She remembered one of her many nightmares, where Azula was laughing as Mai burned alive in front of her; only this time, it was a boy with Zuko’s eyes and Mai’s face. Mai’s blood went cold, and she realized that this world simply wasn’t  _ safe  _ for the future that she wanted with Zuko. But she didn’t know how to change that, so she let the dreams go, for now. 

Mai turned back to her work, with Sela’s too-soft eyes watching her somberly.

* * *

That night, after dinner, Mai and Zuko bedded down in the stables of Lee’s family’s farm, having accepted Sela’s offer of a dry place to sleep.

Once they were lying down in the softest bed Mai had slept in in weeks, Zuko asked, “How was helping Sela?”

“It was good,” Mai answered dismissively, “we talked a little while I helped her around the house. How did helping Lee’s dad with the barn go?”

“Fine,” Zuko replied, “but...Lee kept badgering me about where I got my scar.”

Mai winced, knowing how painful both the subject and the scar were for Zuko. Without even thinking about it, her fingers rose to gently caress the burned side of her boyfriend’s face, stroking across the unfeeling scar tissue.

Leaning into the touch unconsciously, Zuko continued, “Gansu told him to knock it off, said that “a man’s past is his business.” But even so...it made me remember the old days.”

“What about the old days?” Mai asked.

Zuko made an expansive gesture wish his hand as he answered, “Nothing in particular, really...although, do you remember that time Azula made us fall into the fountain?”

Mai nodded. “Yeah, I remember,” she said, “she set an apple on my head on fire, then you tackled me into the water.”

Zuko blushed awkwardly at the memory. “What else was I supposed to do?” he protested.

“Oh, I’m not complaining. In fact, it was quite chivalrous of you,” Mai assured him, a light smile on her face as she teased him.

Zuko sighed, and his eyes became somber again as he wondered, “Do...do you remember my mother?”

Mai fell silent, as memories flooded her mind, too. Azula saying that her mother thought that she was a monster, Zuko being protected and brought up by the kindest woman Mai had ever met.

Mai replied, “I do. She loved you a lot.”

“Then why did she leave?” Zuko asked, years of pain poured into five words spoken in the dead of night.

Mai remembered Azulon’s death, the fevered, panicked scramble of a time when nobody knew what was going on, only that the rightful heir to the throne was no longer the heir, and that instead, Ozai, who was feared and not loved like Iroh, was in control. Mai remembered the coronation, seeing the fear and shock on Zuko’s face, and the satisfaction, even smugness on Azula’s.

Mai knew a little about what had happened in Azulon’s final days; her parents had whispered about it a few times, when Mai happened to be close enough to overhear. The picture that was painted by the fragments she knew pointed to only one answer Mai could give, one that she knew wouldn’t heal Zuko’s pain.

“She did it to protect you,” Mai whispered, her face inches from Zuko’s.

Zuko blinked hard, then opened his eyes again. They were soft, raw, but no longer as pained as they had been. He responded, “I know.”

Then he kissed Mai like his life depended on it. Mai pulled him close, returning the kiss as they clung to each other, getting lost in their love. Mai felt Zuko’s tongue slip into her mouth, and the kiss deepened further, leaving her breathless and needing  _ more. _

Mai rolled until Zuko was under her, and she kept grabbing for him, pulling their bodies flush together as their faces heated up and Mai could feel Zuko’s heat even through their clothes. Zuko looked up at her with an expression that stole her breath, his golden eyes full of love and lust and desperate devotion. The sight made Mai lunge forwards again to seize his lips in an open-mouthed kiss, even as she felt Zuko’s arms snake around her torso, slipping down to her waist.

In disbelief, Mai wondered how far this was going to go, how much they could escalate; this was already pushing the limits of how far they had ever gone, even in weeks of sharing a bed. But now, Mai wanted  _ more,  _ and Zuko seemed to be more than happy to give it to her.

Mai broke the kiss to pant, “Zuko, I…”

Then, the barn door creaked open, revealing Lee trying to sneak in. As soon as she heard the sound of his entrance, Mai scrambled off of Zuko, their eyes wide with shock.

Lee’s eyes, too, went wide when he saw that they were awake. He stammered out, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you-“

“It’s okay,” Zuko interrupted, while Mai glared angrily at Lee for preventing her from continuing, “what did you need?”

“Nothing,” Lee answered with embarrassment clear on his face, “I was just hoping to…”

“To what?” Zuko prompted, his voice and eyes softer than Mai had ever seen with anyone except her. The sight made something inside her heart melt, and she wished desperately that someday, she would get to see Zuko speak like that to his own child.

In a rapid breath, Lee explained, “I wanted to see your swords.”

“My swords?” Zuko repeated in confusion.

Lee nodded. “They’re...they’re really cool, and I wanted to see if I could...I don’t know, get a closer look at them?” he mumbled quietly.

Lee looked resigned, as if he had hoped to avoid getting caught, and didn’t expect Zuko to do anything but send him on his way. Instead, though, Zuko offered, “Well, I could show you a few things if you want.”

Lee looked as surprised as Mai felt, but the boy eagerly replied, “That would be awesome!”

Smiling softly, Zuko stood up, making Mai miss his warmth already. Turning to her, Zuko asked, “Do you want to come along?”

Mai felt an answering smile creep across her face as she made a dismissive motion with her hand and responded, “Oh, no, I’m fine, you boys go have fun. I’ll be here, sleeping.”

Zuko’s eyes shone gently as he leaned down to peck Mai on the lips, then grabbed his swords to join Lee, who was bouncing with excitement by the door.

When the massive door creaked shut again, Mai rolled over, full of pride she couldn’t quite explain at her boyfriend and the kindness he could still show after everything. With a smile still on her face, she let herself drift off to sleep.

Maybe she and Zuko  _ could  _ have that future she dreamed, some day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cockblocking Lee is a cockblocker.  
> Next time, the soldiers return.  
> See you then!  
> Discord server permalink: https://discord.gg/rPnRUFt


	7. Long Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family breaks.  
> A promise is made.  
> A war runs deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back after a longer absence than intended, with the longest chapter I’ve ever written!  
> Seriously, it’s over six thousand words.  
> A brief reminder that I don’t always copy canon scenes word for word, and that even when nothing changes, I generally aim for the gist of dialogue instead of exact replicas.  
> Enjoy!

Mai was asleep when Zuko returned that night. Making sure not to wake her as he lay down, Zuko couldn’t help but stare in muted wonder at the serene face of the woman he loved.

Honestly, it was still so shocking to him, the fact that she’d chosen him. Mai didn’t show much emotion, and she never really had, but Zuko could read her better than she thought. He knew how much guilt she still felt about her family, the way she felt torn between not wanting to tinge their relationship with her guilt and not wanting to spit on the few happy memories she had of her family. Zuko knew how the fear of failure ate at Mai, too; the threat of Azula’s wrath lingered over her.

And for all of that, for every fear or pain that her choice had brought her, Mai had still made her choice willingly and, as she always did, without looking back. Somehow, Mai had looked at Zuko and seen someone worth giving up everything for. She had taken stock of her life, weighing the good and the bad, the fear and the hope, and thrown it all away on the vague chance of something better with him.

_ That  _ was how Zuko knew Mai loved him, more than her words or her actions or the thousand and one things about the way she smiled at him that Zuko had never seen in action but knew instinctively to be love. No, Zuko knew that Mai loved him because she had, for the first time in her life, taken a stand, made a choice,  _ cared _ about something enough to risk everything for it. And as Mai always did, she harbored no regrets, never wasted time with what-ifs. Zuko loved and envied that certainty in equal measure, because sometimes he felt like his whole life was  _ nothing  _ but what-ifs.

What if he hadn’t split with his Uncle to travel his own path?  _ (He never would have met Mai again.) _

What if he and Uncle had never become fugitives?  _ (He would have continued chasing the Avatar to the ends of the earth, until one of them was dead, most likely.) _

What if he hadn’t spoken up in that Agni-damned war meeting?

Zuko didn’t know,  _ couldn’t  _ know the answer to that last question. His mind swirled with similar thoughts, endlessly shifting and changing, never giving him a chance to understand where he was going or what he wanted to do.

Mai’s love, the  _ certainty _ Zuko had about her and what they shared, was an anchor for Zuko’s drifting mind. She grounded him, reminded him that he  _ wasn’t  _ alone, even when it seemed everything else had abandoned him. He could never repay her for that, never express just how much he treasured every last second with her.

But he  _ could  _ do everything in his power to be worthy of her love, to be the man she thought he was, even when he didn’t feel like he  _ was _ that person, even when he didn’t know what that person would be like.

And despite it all...Zuko couldn’t help but feel like he  _ still _ needed to reclaim his honor. He refused to give up, to run like a coward or abandon the country he  _ still _ loved. He was torn, unable to choose between the instinct to run far away, find somewhere safe with Mai and forget about the whole world for a while, and the determination to finish the task, regain everything that had been stolen from him.

In his arms, Mai sighed again, a tiny smile on her face as she snuggled into the warmth of his chest, and Zuko felt his rising emotions disappear into smoke again. He decided that now wasn’t the time to worry about that, so instead, he closed his eyes, and let the peace of sleep come over him. 

* * *

Zuko woke up again just as the sun began to spill over the hills, as the familiar warmth of the sun flowed through his blood and gave him strength. He shifted, already antsy to get moving again. For all they knew, Azula was still after them, and Zuko didn’t want to bring danger to Lee and his family.

As he tried to get up, though, Mai slowly opened one eye. Zuko froze at the slightly cranky glare she gave him, remembering that she was very much  _ not _ a morning person. 

With her arm still laying across Zuko’s chest and her mind still mostly asleep, Mai grumbled, “Stupid fucking firebenders and their stupid  _ “I rise with the sun”  _ shit.”

Zuko couldn’t help but smile at Mai’s grumpiness; she was simply adorable, even when she was irritated. “Well, I’m  _ your  _ stupid firebender, at least,” he joked lightly, his chest oddly light thanks to the morning and the feeling of Mai lying against him.

The tender grin that spread across Mai’s face then was so unlike what she’d once looked like, Zuko might not have recognized her. “You’re right,” she agreed, a strange light entering her eyes as she roused herself enough to prop herself up on her elbows.

Zuko blinked a little at that. He asked, “Uh, I am? About what?”

Mai leaned in close, until her perfect, pouty lips were inches from Zuko’s ear. Goosebumps rose all across his skin as she whispered in a low, husky voice, “You’re stupid, and you’re  _ mine.” _

Zuko felt a gasp escape his throat as Mai suddenly moved, her lips finding the skin of his jawline, leaving soft, quick kisses. Zuko tried to rise as sudden  _ need _ flooded his body, but Mai’s hand was still on his chest, and she had the advantage on him. She pushed him down as her mouth traveled onto his neck, kissing and tasting almost  _ obsessively.  _ Zuko was helpless as Mai trapped his skin between her teeth, sucking until Zuko felt like  _ she _ was the one with the ability to control fire, making it spread through his veins and pool inside him with every touch. All the while, Mai’s gaze was shining with intensity, boring through him with a hunger so deep-seated and demanding that Zuko didn’t know if he could ever fill it.

Mai worked her way down Zuko’s neck, leaving a series of light marks, until she reached his collarbone. Looking back up into Zuko’s pleading, needy eyes, Mai breathed,  _ “Mine.” _

She went to mark him again, but Zuko couldn’t leave such a challenge unanswered. He struck while Mai was admiring the way his golden eyes shimmered in the dim light of the barn, grabbing her around her waist and pulling her up until they were at eye level. Mai’s yelp of surprise was swallowed by Zuko’s lips as he kissed her, their bodies tangling and pressing together while Zuko tried desperately to pour every last drop of passion into Mai’s lips.

Through the loving smile she was still wearing and the last haze of sleep being burnt away by her rising arousal, Mai felt her lips open as if by their own accord, and then Zuko’s tongue was dancing with hers, filling her mouth and her mind with the  _ feel _ of him. Mai could sense the heat of his body against her skin, and it was matched by the heat rising in her gut, the aching need she could feel quickly building until it was  _ excruciating. _ Zuko’s hands came up her back, pressing between Mai’s shoulder blades and making her chest push against his even more. 

Zuko broke the kiss with a smile when he heard Mai start to whimper, her body starting to rub against his. Mai glared at him, panting far harder than the kiss should have caused her to, her normally pale and placid face burning and flushed red with desire. She hissed, “Zuko, you’d  _ better-” _

“I better do what?” Zuko asked softly, tilting his head in a gesture that shouldn’t have made Mai want to shove his stupid grinning face between her thighs as badly as it did.

Mai pressed her forehead against Zuko’s so that he could see the deadly seriousness in her eyes, and she retorted, “What do you  _ think  _ I want you to do, you  _ stupidly gorgeous bastard?” _

Zuko’s eyes went wide, and he suddenly became distinctly aware of the uncomfortable tightness in his pants, and the way that Mai was lying on top of him in the  _ perfect _ way to make that situation worse.

Uncertainly, he began, “Mai, I don’t know if we should do this yet.”   
Refusing to let Zuko get her  _ this _ hot and bothered, then just walk away, Mai demanded, “What are you  _ waiting  _ for, Zuko? What more do you need than me, right here?”

Zuko gulped. He knew he didn’t have a good reason for it, but it was just...he wanted to keep the promise he’d made Mai all those weeks ago, and he wanted to make their first time more special than an uncomfortable tryst in a  _ barn. _

He promised, “Mai, I just want to...do it somewhere more  _ special,  _ you know? It’s a big step, and-”

“I understand,” Mai interrupted, nodding once to chase off the insecurities that kept popping up whenever this happened.

Zuko visibly relaxed, even though Mai made no move to get off of him. “Thanks, Mai,” he murmured gently, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“To make me horny?” Mai finished dryly, “because it sure  _ felt _ like you meant to do that.”

Zuko flinched a little and repeated, “I’m sorry, Mai.”

As she rolled off of him, feeling the dull thrum between her legs slowly, painfully draining away, Mai assured him, “It’s okay, Zuko, really. As long as we do it  _ soon,  _ I’ll be fine.”

Zuko nodded as they got up, slowly managing to make themselves presentable again. Eventually, he said, “Mai...how about I promise you something?”

Mai eyed him coolly as she tucked her knives underneath her tunic. “Fire away,” she responded.

Zuko took a deep breath, then told her, “The next town we come to that has an inn...that’s when we’ll do it, okay?”

Mai felt her heartbeat speed up just a tiny bit, though she concealed it reflexively. She agreed, “The next town. After that, you are  _ going  _ to have sex with me.”

Zuko nodded in agreement, and the two finally made their way out of the barn.

* * *

By the time Zuko and Mai were mounted up and ready to get moving, Mai’s lust had mostly subsided again, but she still found herself clutching Zuko just a tiny bit tighter than she usually did. 

Mai understood Zuko’s desire to treat her right, she really did. His honor and kindness were two of the many,  _ many _ things she loved about him. But goddammit, Mai wanted him to  _ fuck _ her already!

They were just getting ready to go when Lee, Sela, and the burly man that Mai knew must be Gansu came to see them off, in varying levels of eagerness.

Lee seemed upset to see them off, which made Mai wonder just how lonely the boy was, how much he must miss his brother. She didn’t know what Zuko had shown Lee the night before, but whatever it was, it must have reminded Lee of Sensu.

Sela, meanwhile, smiled sweetly at Mai as she came up to the ostrich horse with a small bundle.

“Supplies for the road,” she told them, “including a few...important things for your wife.”

Mai’s eyes went wide as Sela winked at her; after a moment, Mai recognized the faintest whiff of what she recognized as a contraceptive herb from her classes and (mother-taught, Ty Lee-improved) “womanly education.” Mai nodded in gratitude, and Sela gave her another small smile. Zuko didn’t seem to understand Sela’s words, but he caught the exchange afterwards, and wondered just what was in that bundle. Well, Mai would tell him if he needed to know, Zuko was sure of that.

As Zuko reached out to take the package, though, a low rumble became audible across the plain of the family’s farm. All five of the group looked with dawning realization towards where the road to town disappeared over the horizon, where a group of soldiers could be seen riding towards the farm.

Sela stiffened in wide-eyed fear; Gansu tensed, his fists clenching tightly in a way that was imitated by Lee, who tried to mask his trembling with a grim expression. Zuko narrowed his eyes and lowered his hand to the hilt of his swords, while Mai let her hands disappear into the long sleeves of her tunic, a gesture that Zuko knew was often mistaken for timidity or helplessness, when it was in fact a sign that Mai was tensed to throw her knives at the tiniest provocation.

Soon, the soldiers were upon them; in the center of the group was Gow, the leader of the band who had threatened Zuko and Mai the day before. His confident smirk was just as overpowering as it had been the day before, his menace just as strong in the air.

Gansu demanded, “What do you want?”

In his arrogant, ugly voice, Gow responded, “I just thought someone oughta tell you, your son’s battalion got captured.”

Sela gasped loudly, while Gansu’s eyes went wide with barely-hidden grief and terror. Mai could barely breathe. Something in her, a voice she rarely heard, screamed,  _ “NO!” _

Mai kept her face set as though in stone, but her fingers curled over her knives, imagining one right between Gow’s laughing eyes.

Gow and his lackeys continued taunting them, making light of a family’s grief with morbid speculation over Sensu’s fate, comfortable in their ability to lord their power over helpless civilians.

It was too much for any man to bear, and even as Zuko fought to keep his rage under control, Gansu snapped, “You shut your mouth!”

Even he seemed to know that he was in trouble; his eyes went wide and he desperately tried to back away, cringing in fear. Gow’s eyes hardened, and he spurred his mount forwards, flanked by soldiers.

Instantly, Mai and Zuko were on the same page. This family would not be harmed by these  _ scum.  _ Zuko moved to block the path, forcing the soldiers to scramble to a stop. Mai kept her hands low and hidden, able to move in the blink of an eye if the soldiers tried anything.

Gow glared at them with open disdain, arrogant irritation twisting his face into a scowl that was certainly an attempt to intimidate them. His dark eyes met Zuko’s golden ones, which burned with a barely-restrained promise that filled the air with tension. Gow shifted his gaze to Mai, searching for weakness, no doubt. He found only the same resolute, immovable fury in her deadly stare that he’d seen in Zuko’s.

A moment later, Gow wrinkled his nose in disgust and reined his mount around. He spat, “Why roll around in the muck with  _ these  _ pigs?”

Soon, he and his men had vanished over the hill again, and the tension in the air was gone. As soon as they were safe, Gansu turned to his wife and son. Hugging them tightly, he said, “I’m going to the front. I’m going to find Sensu and bring him home.”   
Sela’s gaze was so terrified, so full of emotions that Mai couldn’t place, that it made Mai imagine another scene, a future that scared her as much as the present scared Sela. Mai pictured learning that  _ her  _ son had disappeared, fighting the nation he’d descended from. She pictured Zuko saying the same words as Gansu, leaving her alone with two holes in her heart. The image was so agonizing, so awful, that Mai felt herself sinking into despair.

This war was endless, inescapable, unimaginable. It had torn Sela’s family to pieces; why would fate spare any family Mai tried to create?

When Sela and Gansu had left, Zuko and Mai lingered for a long moment, trying to make sense of a thousand conflicting thoughts.

Then Lee approached them to ask, “If my father is leaving...will you stay?”

For a heartbeat, Mai thought about it. At the very least, they could help Sela through her grief, keep Lee from getting wilder. Maybe someday, this could be the place that Mai wanted so badly, a safe place for her and Zuko…

Except it couldn’t be, could it? Gow and his soldiers, the way this town feared firebending and the Fire Nation, and the ever-present image of Azula laughing her way through a burning village to find them chased away Mai’s hopes like fading sparks.

Zuko seemed to think the same, because he replied, “It’s best we keep moving, kid.”

Lee didn’t fight it; Mai didn’t want to wonder if he’d learned that fighting didn’t stop people from leaving. Then, Zuko took out a knife, one that made Mai’s eyes go wide with recognition.

“Here, I want you to have this,” Zuko said to Lee. As the young boy took the pearl-white, ornate dagger with wide, worshipful eyes, Mai remembered just how much Zuko had  _ adored _ that dagger, had considered it his greatest treasure. For him to give it to this random boy he’d known for just a day…

As they rode away, Zuko sensed Mai looking at him, her dark eyes drilling through the back of his head. Without turning, afraid to see what the look on her face was, Zuko asked, “Mai, are you going to tell me what you’re thinking?”

“Zuko,” Mai replied in a light, loving voice, “you’re the best man I’ve ever met.”

Her words finally made Zuko turn around, and he was blown away by the expression she wore.

Mai’s smile was the brightest, most brilliant one she’d ever worn, a look of admiration and love and pride and a million words that didn’t need to be spoken. Her eyes shone with approval, and it reminded Zuko that no matter what he thought of himself, Mai knew the truth, a truth Zuko himself rarely knew.

Zuko couldn’t respond to such deep faith, not when he lacked it in himself, so he simply smiled weakly, kissed Mai gently, and turned back to ride away.

Mai didn’t blame him, and she didn’t need anything else. Sometimes, words weren’t necessary.

* * *

Zuko and Mai were less than an hour down the road when they stopped to rest, laying themselves out in a soft, grassy field. Trading old memories and sweet kisses, they enjoyed just being together, being safe.

Despite being sorely tempted to, Mai didn’t try to escalate things; she wanted Zuko badly, sure, but foreplay on the side of the road was a little out of her comfort zone.

Only a little, though.

Their rest was soon interrupted, though, and the world came crashing back in.

Mai and Zuko leapt to their feet as a figure approached them, eyes widening in recognition. Before they could say anything, though, the woman spoke.

Panting and out of breath, looking like she was moments from collapsing into tears, Sela said, “Please, you have to help me!”

She explained what had happened with Lee and the knife and the soldiers, but Zuko and Mai barely heard her. 

Zuko was being eaten alive by guilt; his mind told him,  _ “This is your fault. You gave Lee the knife.” _

Mai, meanwhile, couldn’t help but stare at Sela, at how she had seemingly aged a decade since the day before, when she’d seemed so happy and hopeful for her life. It was another reminder for Mai; as long as the world was engulfed in chaos, she and Zuko would never be safe, never be able to build something without it being torn down.

The two turned to each other, and not a single word needed to be said.

Zuko told Sela, “Don’t worry, we’ll save him.”

_ “We?”  _ Sela repeated in confusion, looking at Mai, who was already getting up onto the ostrich horse, her face set grimly.

Mai met Sela’s gaze, and she could see the surprise in the older woman’s eyes. Mai was wearing her battle face, the grim, emotionless mask that could drop a dozen men without hesitation.

Sela asked, “Wait, you’re going to fight?”

Mai nodded once. “I’m not some helpless damsel,” she told Sela.

Then, they were riding back, preparing for battle.

* * *

Mai and Zuko dropped Sela off as they entered town, telling her to hide. With one last look at Mai, she agreed, leaving the two alone.

“Remember,  _ no firebending,”  _ Mai whispered to Zuko once they were sure nobody was nearby, riding the last stretch into town.

Zuko nodded and replied, “I know. I won’t need it, not for these scum.”

At last, they approached the center of the town, just as the sun was setting behind them, casting the dusty streets in orange light and flickering shadows. Mai spotted townsfolk hiding behind windows and in alleyways as they passed, clearly expecting a fight.

Gow and soldiers were arrayed in the street in front of them; Mai spotted Lee tied to a post behind the men.

“What do you want?” Gow demanded from behind a wall of spears.

Mai stayed quiet; she barely realized it, but she was so used to following a member of the royal family into combat that she instinctively let them take the lead, staying back and readying her knives.

It was a surprising moment when she realized how  _ right  _ that felt, having Zuko’s back in a fight. Before that fight started, though, Mai was more than happy to let Zuko have his righteous justice. Agni knew, these men deserved it.

Zuko stepped forwards, his eyes blazing angrily. “Let the kid go,” he demanded.

Gow’s eyes narrowed as he laughed, “Why should I? He pulled a knife on  _ us,  _ the soldiers protecting this village!”

“You’re not soldiers,” Zuko retorted, “you’re thugs and bullies, hurting innocent people for fun. Now,  _ let the kid go.” _

“Or what?” Gow asked, acting amused.

Now, Mai spoke up, blunt and uncompromising as she replied, “Or else.”

Gow turned to her, and nearly laughed, but stopped just shy when Zuko’s hand landed on his swords.

Gow looked around at the band of soldiers he led, and snarled, “You gonna let this  _ girl _ threaten you like that? Get ‘em!”

As the first soldiers charged, Mai nearly smiled.  _ “Finally,”  _ she thought,  _ “I can teach these fuckers a lesson.” _

Mai tensed to throw; judging by their clumsy grips on their weapons, the soldiers seemed barely trained, and more terrified than angry. This would be easy.

But then, Zuko held out a hand. When Mai stopped just as she prepared to throw, he turned to look at her, and the look of righteous fury in his eyes was so stunning that Mai actually listened.

The soldiers seemed to think Zuko had lost his nerve; they raced straight for him, and Mai again tensed to throw, not about to lose the man she loved to something as  _ stupid _ as these bullies.

But as Zuko turned back to face them, he growled,  _ “They’re mine.” _

Mai stopped cold again, finally understanding.

For as long as she could remember, Zuko had cared more than anyone else Mai had known about doing the right thing, about justice and honor and being a good person. It had been his greatest weakness in the Imperial Palace, the avenue Azula used to hurt him, the reason Ozai had hated him. It was, perhaps, the first reason Mai had fallen in love with him.

Now, so many years after they had been children, Zuko-a little more jaded, a little more torn, a little more  _ burned, _ but with that heart still alive and still beating-saw bullies picking on the weak, hurting the innocent, laughing at the pains life had inflicted on those just trying to live as best they could. He saw a young boy, full of idealism and hope and belief that the world  _ should  _ be good and just, try to protect others and be punished for it, about to be ripped from his home for the cruel amusement of others. And he  _ finally  _ had the power to fix it, to stop the monsters, and  _ by Agni,  _ he was going to  _ do  _ something this time. He was keeping a promise to himself, maybe one he’d never known he’d made.

Mai backed off a few steps with a sigh, her knives never leaving her hands. She would let Zuko have his justice, but she would never abandon him to fight alone. That was  _ her  _ promise; that Zuko would never have to be afraid of solitude, would never be in danger that she didn’t share. 

_ “He owes me for this, dammit,”  _ Mai thought as the soldiers reached Zuko, who stood in the middle of the golden-lit street, utterly unperturbed by the anger in the eyes of the charging men.

The first soldier to reach him received a shoulder barge as Zuko half-drew his swords, sending him flying backwards sans his spear. Instead of attacking again, he scuttled away, fleeing for his life. Zuko sheathed his swords again, sending a clear message: these scum weren’t worth dirtying the blades for.

The next soldier was struck by an almost casual blow as Zuko sidestepped his spear, knocking him down and out of the fight. Zuko turned back to where Gow was standing with his rapidly diminishing squad, and calmly broke the spear over his knee.

The third and final soldier charged after Gow pushed him forwards, the tremble in his knees betraying his terror. Zuko disdainfully kicked upwards right as the spear came into range, and the spearhead went spinning off, leaving the cowardly man with a useless stick. A second later, he didn’t even have that, as Zuko punched him in the jaw and left him sprawling in the dirt.

Now, the only one left was Gow, who glared angrily at the fleeing and unconscious men around him. With a growl, the bulky man grabbed his hammers. Perhaps recognizing the seriousness of  _ this _ opponent, or figuring that Gow needed a little extra reminder, Zuko also drew his weapons.

Mai could hear the townspeople cheering as Zuko defeated the men who had been harassing them, but all she could feel was terror as Zuko charged, and Gow slammed his hammers into the ground, beginning to launch rocks at her boyfriend.

When she realized Gow was an earthbender, it took every bit of strength in Mai’s body to stop herself from attacking right there. Zuko had to keep his own bending hidden, which meant that he was at a disadvantage. Mai knew personally that bending wasn’t an insurmountable challenge in an opponent; she’d beaten benders plenty of times. But Zuko had always treated the dao as a backup, a last resort, instead of his primary weapon. He was good with them, but not good enough to beat most benders.

Mai watched helplessly as Zuko avoided boulder after boulder, deflecting them with his blades when he could. Gow just smiled as he kept up the barrage, clearly confident that he could win this fight without the combat ever getting to close quarters.

At last, Zuko couldn’t dodge anymore, and a rock caught him in the stomach, sending him flying. Gow crowed, “Not so tough anymore, huh? Maybe once you’re done, I’ll deal with your  _ woman _ myself.”

Mai heard the gasp from the onlookers, and Gow’s laugh of victory, and a thousand and one other sounds, all as though from another world. Right now, there was only Zuko, lying on the ground, her heart racing, her mind saying  _ “No”  _ with absolute, uncompromising certainty, and the familiar feel of her muscles working as she went through a routine she’d done a million times, until it was no longer conscious, but an instinct equal to any master’s.

Tense. Wind. Step. Throw. Finish.

Gow yelled in pain as a throwing knife cut a deep gouge across his cheek, then continued until it slammed, quivering, into the wood of the post Lee had been tied to. The boy stared at it with unabashed awe, his eyes wide.

Mai could hear the townsfolk whispering in shock, asking, “Did she just  _ throw that?”  _ or otherwise acting like they’d never seen a woman do anything remotely physical before. But Mai didn’t have time for any of that; all she could see was Gow, slowly turning to see her standing in the middle of the street. The look in the man’s eyes might have been terrifyingly rage-filled to anyone else, but Mai had spent most of her life staring into Azula’s eyes, which could have been mistaken for portals into hell itself when she was  _ truly _ furious. Gow’s hate rolled harmlessly off of Mai like water off a turtleduck’s back.

No longer feeling the need to hide her skills, Mai filled her hands with more weapons, and revealed a hand teeming with more knives to Gow. Calmly, she said, “Surrender, or the next one goes through your eye.”

Gow snarled wordlessly, and slammed his hammer into the ground once again. Before he even had a chance to strike the boulder towards her, though, Mai had six more knives and darts in the air, and Gow was forced to defend himself from a deadly rain that peppered his limbs and barely avoided slamming into his face thanks to his hammers and the boulder he had launched to intercept.

The man instantly tried to attack again, but Mai dodged the sloppily fired rock-the one thing that she readily admitted about this tunic was that it was easier to roll and run in than her dress-and instantly unleashed another wave of razor-sharp weapons, forcing Gow to give ground as he avoided them. 

Mai used the lull to check back towards Zuko who was still barely moving.  _ Dammit,  _ she didn’t have time for this! Gow was good enough to avoid the majority of her knives, and Mai didn’t have an infinite supply.

Then, Zuko began to stir, groaning as he slowly blinked back into consciousness. Suddenly, Mai had a new plan. Instead of trying to take Gow out herself, Mai began to play for time, using individual knives to keep Gow’s head down, keeping him off balance and on the defensive as Zuko slowly stirred.

Eventually, though, Gow realized what was going on. With a yell, he slammed both of his hammers into the earth at once, and instead of a boulder, a line of pointed rocks surged towards Mai. Her eyes went wide, and she realized that she’d been lulled into a false sense of security; of  _ course _ Gow had more up his sleeve than just launching boulders. The rocks began to peter out as they reached her, but they still packed more than enough punch to send her sprawling with a strike to the gut, winding her badly.

As Mai struggled to gasp for air, she could hear Gow saying something; she didn’t really give a shit what he said, so she desperately grabbed for another knife, planning to throw one last, desperate blade.

But then, Zuko blew up.

Mai twisted her body to watch as Zuko rose to his feet, making flames rise around him, dripping down the edge of his swords as he said,  _ “Get away from her.” _

Gow stumbled backwards in sudden terror as Zuko swung his swords and a wave of fire followed them, slamming into the earthbender and sending him crashing into the side of a house. He didn’t get back up.

Mai couldn’t deny, she thought that the awesome display of power was pretty... _ hot.  _ Even so, though, her heart sank as Zuko marched towards where Gow was lying; she knew how bad this was going to be.

When Zuko began to announce his rank, title, and lineage to the whole goddamn town, Mai wanted to slam her head against something. Was he  _ trying  _ to get them killed by angry townspeople?

Why did her boyfriend have to be so damn  _ honorable? _

As Mai finally struggled to her feet, she saw Zuko walk up to Lee, cutting him free. The boy scrambled away from him, seeing only the fire and the swords. It broke Mai’s heart, seeing how Zuko tried to get him to accept the knife again. He told the boy, “Take it. It’s yours.”

Lee yelled, “I don’t want it! Get away from me!”

Mai was entranced by the sight, by the way Zuko hunched in silent pain that she  _ knew _ would never appear on his face. It made her want to scream, to rage at everything she could think of for ruining something that had made Zuko  _ happy.  _ But she was distracted by a familiar voice a second later.

Poking her head out from an alleyway behind Mai, Sela whispered, “Hey, quick, we can get you out of here, before he notices!”

The words were so  _ bizarre,  _ so nonsensical, that Mai stared dumbly at the older woman for a long moment. Eventually, though, she put the pieces together.

_ Somehow, she still thinks I’m Earth Nation,”  _ Mai realized,  _ “and she must think that Zuko...kidnapped me or something?” _

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Mai admitted, still confused by Sela’s words.

Sela looked at  _ her  _ in confusion as she replied, “Look, I know he must be scary, but if you come quick, we can get you away from him!”

“Wait, you think he  _ kidnapped _ me or something?” Mai asked.

“Of course I do!” Sela retorted, “he’s Fire Nation!”

For a second, Mai’s instincts told her to snap,  _ “So am I!”  _ But she knew that all that would accomplish was getting Sela to look at her the way Lee was looking at Zuko, and some selfish part of her didn’t want that, couldn’t imagine it. 

So instead, Mai snapped, “I don’t care.”

“He’s the  _ prince of the Fire Nation!”  _ Sela cried.

“He’s the best man I’ve ever known,” Mai countered softly.

Sela was yelling by now, tears streaming down her cheeks as she said, “His family is the reason  _ mine has been torn apart!” _

“I know,” Mai replied quietly, unwilling to make light of another woman’s grief, “believe me, I know.”

At last, Sela squinted at Mai, seeming to take in her pale skin and jet-black hair at last. “Where are  _ you _ from?” she asked suspiciously, her kind demeanor falling away so rapidly it left Mai spinning, wondering just how deep the pains of the war went.

For the first time ever, Mai answered, “Omashu.”

Still wearing an expression of pure confusion, Sela asked, “And...and you love him? You’ll go with him,  _ willingly?” _

Grimly, Mai nodded. In a tired voice, she confirmed, “I do. And wherever he goes, I’ll follow.”

Sela hung her head, as though she believed she’d failed. She sighed, “I see.”

Let Sela make whatever she wanted out of Mai’s words. Mai didn’t care anymore what anyone thought, didn’t care where she’d come from. As far as she was concerned, her home was with Zuko, wherever they went. She had no allegiance to the Fire Nation anymore, no allegiance at all, in fact, save for to the people she loved. Save for Zuko.

But even so, Mai found herself hoping that if maybe, just maybe, Sela believed that an Earth Kingdom girl had fallen in love with the prince of the Fire Nation...well, maybe that would convince her that the Fire Nation wasn’t pure evil. Maybe there would be a little bit less hate in this world when Mai and Zuko left.

For some reason, Mai really hoped so, as fervently as she hoped that Sela’s husband and eldest son would be okay. If there was a little less pain in the world...maybe today would feel like a victory. Because right now, Mai looked into the eyes of a woman she barely knew, and saw fear and pain; she saw the man she loved rise and leave behind a knife he loved deeply with a boy who feared him and cursed his name.

Neither of those things felt like a victory, even if Gow had been beaten. Mai wondered where the blame lay for that. 

More and more, she believed that it was the war; that scared her, because she knew that as long as it was being fought, there would  _ be  _ no victories.

Soon, Mai and Zuko were riding out of the town, hostile gazes from the townsfolk guiding their journey. For a long time, neither of them spoke, lost in their thoughts.

Then, Zuko asked in a quiet, hollow voice, “What did we do wrong?”

Mai looked back at the town, wondering what story Sela would tell her husband and eldest son about today if...no,  _ when  _ they returned.

“Nothing,” she eventually answered, “it’s not our fault.”

“Then who’s fault is it?” Zuko demanded.

“I don’t know,” Mai admitted, “I wonder if  _ anyone _ does.”   
Zuko and Mai were silent again after that; they rode further to the east, wondering if they would ever escape the long shadow of a war their ancestors had started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I really do cockblock Mai so much, huh?  
> And then make her sad to boot.  
> Well, I say no more! Because next time, Mai finally gets what she’s been wanting since chapter three.  
> See you then!  
> Discord server: https://discord.gg/ZfKfh7E


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